Never thought I’d be doing this

Never thought I’d be on a grief website but I am lost. I am 21 years old, my boyfriend (fiancée) died suddenly last week on his motorcycle. We were soulmates, Best friends since 13 years old and we were together for three years. We were supposed to have a life traveling the world, growing old together. He was 20. His life hadn’t even started yet. My other half is completely gone. My heart is gone. A week before his death, two weeks ago, we started planning an engagement. We didn’t even get to have children yet. He would have made the perfect husband and father. I am lost. I am angry. I see no reason to keep going without him. I just want to be in his arms

 

CamiTay,

I am saddened by the loss of your fiancee. Having known him for almost a decade made your relationship that much more meaningful to both of you. You literally were growing up together, and shared so much with each other.

Not being able to fulfill your life dreams with him - marriage, children, traveling together, and living life large is of course hard to accept. Of course, it is hard to accept his loss and the tragic way it came about.

This emptiness you feel is hard to move beyond. There is no easy way to accept what has happened. But just because he is no longer with you does not mean those times you spent together can’t be looked back upon fondly.

It is natural to have such strong regret after loss. I know when I lost my wife, my sons and I hated so many days. We were angry so many days. Speaking to others was almost an impossibility. It was extremely hard to talk with each other. If I could have swapped places with her I would have in a heartbeat.

I know you will have many days with sadness, loneliness, filled with unending tears and days that will seem to last forever. But please don’t ever give up on yourself and life, your boyfriend would never want that to happen. I know it will be hard for you.

Your family might be able to offer some loving help. Your friends might as well. It is natural to resent others’ words because it happened to you and not them. But please remember, they are only trying to help not hurt you.

Take care of your well being. We will be here to talk if you wish.

-david

I hope you don’t mind this song for you

 

What you are feeling is NORMAL. When my husband got diagnosed for MDS, we had Three (3) months to prepare me emotionally, and thought that I would be OK. But believe me, I WAS NOT! When the day came, I felt what you are feeling right now: "am lost. I am angry. I see no reason to keep going without him. I just want to be in his arms." But it will get better, that I can promise you. Seek help! Open up to family and friends as it is OK. Big hugs.

 

Completely appropriate for what your going through. Some days its the most debilitating thought and others your able to think of a memory and have it not bring you to tears. I can't say this to people enough, your so strong for waking up suiting up and showing up. Some days it's the hardest thing you will have to do, the day I lost my fiance all I could do for weeks was cry sometimes I still do that. It's hard when you get so bitter at the universe, god, fate or whatever. I always wonder what in the hell, who ever thought I could handle this?? How could he do this to me and leave me here. It's so so hard some days

There is plenty of cliche nonsense I could say, but ultimately, as you know its just not what you need to hear I'm sure.

 

Wow this is heavy I gotta say your a trooper girl, I just lost my Aimee 43 on March 14 to Covid-19. It hurts I know, days can be hard. I know I gotta start loving me again, otherwise Love will never be possible again. I'll add you to my prayers girl. Life is hard...

 

Hi my name is Tina Jordan I lost my husband one year have three children then I have a special needs daughter that I have to leave in a home because I couldn't take care of her anymore time when I did that I felt like I was not a good mother when I did that to my child especially shoulder