Never the right time

I don't know how share how I feel. Last month I lost my Aunt, but she was always like a mother to me. My father was a widower and I was too young to remember my real mother. I know there is never a good time to lose someone you love, but this year has been hard. When I first got the news I was heartbroken and took a moment to say goodbye and try to grieve. I have a family to provide for and haven't been able to take time for myself to really cope with the reality of what happened. Keeping occupied with work and family helped at first, but now I feel like the people arround me won't understand how sad I still am. Why do I feel like it would be selfish to go home after a long day and just break down and cry. I need to make a change because lately my grief and sadness has made me angry and short tempered. Every time in the past that I've let my guard down when I'm not doing well people think I'm complaining about them that they aren't good enough so I've learned to shut down that part of myself, but it only works for so long.

 

I don't think it would be selfish at all to break down and cry. It sounds like you're under a lot of pressure and that you're putting yourself under even more pressure. Please be kind to yourself and look after yourself. Your Aunt will be looking down on you and wanting the best for you.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.
Grief has a way of making you address it, whether you stuff it down or put it on the back burner.
It shows itself in many ways, anxiety, depression, anger, sadness, and many other ways. If we don't grieve, it can affect us physically, emotionally and psychologically.
It's the price we pay for love. When we lose loved ones, we must grieve.
If going home and crying makes you feel better, then do it.
Be gentle with yourself, regardless of what people say or think. It's your right to grieve your way. Everyone is different.
Please take care of yourself. You have to put yourself first for a bit.
Best wishes!

 

Well said