Needing some support just lost my 20yr son

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by firefli09, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. firefli09

    firefli09 New Member

    Hello all,
    I am new here my first time posting. I lost my son Aug. 27 2019 worst day of my life. I am struggling to find a normal in my life. There is a huge piece of me that will never be the same I am suffering from major depression and have not been able to return to work yet. everyday is a struggle.
     
  2. RaeBailey

    RaeBailey Member

    Give your self some time those first few months are extremely intense. Well it stays intense for a while. My suggestion is to just think about the now don't worry about tomorrow or even five minutes from now if it's too much. I lost my 17 year old daughter two years ago in Aug. I'm very sorry for your lose and you are not alone OK.
     
  3. glowingaura

    glowingaura New Member

    I really don't know how to participate here really... I want to say I'm sorry that we are all here "living" with this loss.
    My 18 year old son, the baby of my family, died in a car accident on September 29, 2019.
    It still feels like it just happened, like I'm still standing in the road that morning. Time has passed, things have changed, but I'm still standing there.
    firefli09 ..... I'm not sure why I chose your thread... I just know I did, my heart hurts for my son... it hurts for you and every parent out there going through this horror.
    Raebailey, I have to ask, does it ever (in your experience) settle down to a point of being able to function without feeling every second draw out into eternity with them in the front of every thought?
    If I should have posted this somewhere else, I'm sorry. This is new. All of it. ♡
     
  4. RaeBailey

    RaeBailey Member

    At first no. I remember getting ready to go plan her funeral. It wasn't until I was at the funeral parlor that I realized I had forgotten to wash my hair. I had a hard time focusing on little tasks like that for quite a while. I went to work because I had to. And that became my routine. Get up, go to work, breath in and out. That was all I could manage. I have realized that the people we were also died that day. A new person was born like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Like all newborns we struggle with taking care of ourselves but we must. We must be the parent and Guardian of this new self. So be patient and very tender with yourself. Love yourself and get to know this new you. Forgive yourself for not knowing all the answers, for mistakes and even for tantrums. Because like all new people we are going to have growing pains. Parts of the old self and your old life can then pass into your new life. I know it's not the life we chose but the fire that we've passed through strengths us and sheds away a lot of the trivialities we are used to dealing with in this world. It gives us a fearlessness and a clarity of insight that other people don't have. So good luck, I hope that helps. Hope to hear from you soon Glowing, hugs.
     
  5. glowingaura

    glowingaura New Member

    Thank you for replying to me.
    I hope you're doing well ♡ What you said about being someone new, that really connects with how I feel.
    I am not the same person anymore, I've tried to explain this to every person in my life that's close to me. They say they understand but then expect the reactions from me that the "old me" would have had.
    I know you already know this but I really do feel like I'm drowning, the air is too thin and it hasn't stopped feeling like this since the second I saw the emergency personnel fly by my house that morning.
    I have other children that are grown and I also raise my granddaughter, she's 11.
    I used to look after everyone. I used to look after everything....
    Now, I'm not doing the simple things, like washing my hair, or, often times, I can't even put on clean clothes. I just grab what I took off the night before.
    I feel like I'm never going to find a place in life where I'm comfortable enough to keep living. And that's scaring me.
     
  6. RaeBailey

    RaeBailey Member

    You won't ever be that person again so don't pay attention to people expecting you to be something that you are not. They can't understand. There was a life that we had planned out for ourselves and our family. That future was shattered and lost. We aren't just mourning our children we're mourning the future that they could've/should've lived. As well as the person we would've been/were. It's a lot. That's a hell of a lot to process. So give yourself time. A neighbor of mine at the time I lost e had list 3 of her 4 children. I told her the struggles I was having especially dealing with Erin's stuff. She said whoa wait! Don't deal with that now! Give yourself a year at least b4 you make any major decisions. She was right I was in no fit shape to decide anything!!!
     
  7. RaeBailey

    RaeBailey Member

    Oh and I hope you are doing alright to