My Weddomg Ring

My hands feel weird. I just can’t wear my wedding ring anymore on my ring finger. My beloved is gone after 28 years, why pretend. (it’s been 1 year since his sudden passing) It always meant something to me to honor my marriage by wearing my ring whenever I went out. It felt like I was showing the world, announcing that someone loved me by having this ring. I never really felt loved my entire life before Philip and I was glad to wear his ring. I saw people in the grief groups wearing their wedding rings on their ring finger years after their losses. It seems like they are stuck to me, wearing rings, and pieces of hair or ashes in a locket around their neck. He’s gone, he left, I just can’t. Philip didn’t wear a wedding ring ever. He was a Diesel Mechanic and was always fabricating things with his hands and it would have been dangerous. I loved my Philip more than anything and my ring, but….he’s gone. I had my wedding ring made into a pinky ring and cut down to size within 1 month of his death. I wasn’t wearing it and I thought that if I wore it as a pinky ring on my right hand, that I could at least still see it every day and enjoy the ring I loved. Sometimes I forget and try to jam it on my ring finger and then it hits me, not married, and it no longer fits. It’s to the point now that I don’t like to go out without the diamond pinky ring. I’ll say to myself, I have to bring Philip with me on this job interview and I put on the pinky ring. I’ll bring him to lunch today with my friends. Sort of like charm. Otherwise, I’m constantly in “I have to move forward mode” this is my small indulgence. One day at a time, love Cathy.

 

I MEANT WEDDING RING

 

I feel as long as I am mourning him which is the outward sign of grief, I will wear the ring. After all, grieving is the loving of a person who has meant everything to us and who is now lost to us. I could not imagine taking his ring off at this point - 11 weeks after his sudden death. I still break out in crying and U get ve r y, very sad for parrs of the day. I am also still in shock. Everyine has their iwn ways to grieve. Hiwever, I would not keep the ring on for years. I will know when to take it off

 

I took my wedding ring off around 18 months after my husband's death.
Instead I wear an infinity ring on my middle finger.


Like everything else about this horrible grieving ordeal we have to do what works for us.

 

My Wedding Ring was just a post of me venting about my feelings towards my ring. I in no way am suggesting what anyone should do about their personal situation. I feel better just journaling about it, as it seems so dramatic to me as everything does right now with this grief crap.

 

I think it is a valid comment. So much of our wedding rings are wrapped up in our love with our partners that some times it's hard to separate the two. To look at my ring, it is to see an engagement and wedding band joined together. We were not even married but we h a d been together for nearly 2 decades. So when he h a d some extra money, he bought it for me, brought it home and put it on my finger. We had planned t o marry for real next year when he turned 62.

I also wear it for self protection. I do not want to be flirted with while grieving. I am no longer young but I still get stared at and I do not wanted to deal with flirtations right now. The same thing happened when my first partner died. I had just turned 40.

 

I totally understand what you are saying Cathy. What we post here does not mean that we are telling people what to do but stating what has worked or not worked for us.
For me keeping a journal has also worked. I say what ever works for us is fine. Of course as long as its legal. LOL

 

I agree I do not want to be flirted with. Maybe some day I am defiantly not ruling that out. I would like to have a man to go to dinner with. Hate eating in restaurants by myself and being asked "are you alone"
I had some woman that was going to seat me ask me if my husband was parking the car?? What a dumb thing to say.

 

I don't eat in restaurants alone. If I want their food, I get it to go. I actually do not eat regular meals anyway. Appetite still abnormal with 2 meals daily.

Regarding a new man: for the foreseeable future, dating would feel like cheating. Plus the idea of holding a conversation for that long is daunting. I can barely hold it together to get to work and back.

I keep comparing this grief with my last one 18 years ago. Then, I was ready for a new relationship in five months. That is b/c he was an alcoholic and the doctors told me for three years his bottom was death . They were right. He killed himself. Robert died suddenly and unexpectedly. It was shocking: one minute he's talking to me, the next he is dead. No time for anything: no goodbyes, no I love you, no anything. Still trying to wrap my head around the insanity of it. That is why it will take a long time to recover from: I loved him and I saw my love die
.

 

This is my first post, I’ve read through many of the postings but just didn’t have the heart to write out how I’ve been feeling. This post however rang true for me and I think I’m ready to talk about some of it. My wife passed away just over 7 months ago and yes I’m still wearing my ring. Funny thing is I’ve always hated jewelry and would rarely wear my ring, my wife (God love her) never questioned this, knowing how I felt about jewelry. Now, she’s gone and I can’t take it off. For me it’s not about the symbol it dictates to others, for me it’s a symbol of our love and at this point I don’t see a reason to ever remove it. I can feel myself starting to move forward again but I feel she is pushing this momentum and if wearing a band means I get to keep this feeling then I guess I’ve now found a love of jewelry.

 

That is also how I feel: a ring is a symbol of love and commitment. It is not to be taken lightly. I loved Robert more than I realized when he was alive. His death cut me hard, much more than I ever realized. I will always wear his ring, though I may change fingers.

 

I wear my wedding band on my right pinky finger. After 26 years I don't like the idea of not wearing it, there's so much meaning and memories that go along with the only ring I've ever worn.

 

It is easier for men to do this b/c it could be any type of ring. Women's rings, including mine, look like wedding rings. I don"t want to go into long explanations (taught to be polite even when question is intrusive). I might either wear it on right hand or wear it on his medic alert chain when the time comes.

 

Thank you so much for this post. My husband passed away August 7, 2018 suddenly in an automobile accident. I've been testing my ability to not wear my ring. I found his wedding band while packing some things. He didn't wear his either because he was a mechanic and it was dangerous. I have a charm necklace with the one penny the funeral director found on him so I looped his wedding band onto the chain. I've decided that's where my band will go, when I'm ready. I slip it off for a second and immediately put it back on. One day I put in on my right hand and it wouldn't come off. I was torn between panicking that I wouldn't be able to put it back where it belonged and that Butch was forcing it to stay on that hand because he was trying to tell me it was okay. Either way, I did not like it. I thought I was crazy for making such a big deal about a simple golden band. You're post gave me permission to do what I needed to process and deal with this decision. Thank you.

 

I think it’s great to hear so many different takes on wearing wedding rings. Each of us have our own reasons for how we chose to deal with the ring situation and each is valid to us. When my husband of nearly 50 years passed 2 years ago I couldn’t bear to wear my ring because it was a constant reminder to me that he was no longer here. I would put it on and instantly begin crying until I put it away. About a year ago I took it from my jewelry box. I sat and looked at it for a few minutes then slipped it back on my finger. It was no longer a reminder he was gone, it was a reminder of our love and the love I still have for my late husband. I haven’t taken it off since. Sometimes our thoughts change as our lives change. There are no perfect answers.

 

Kerry,
I was married for 47yrs and he was the love of my life. I find as time goes by, journaling has really helped me move on. I will always love him, however, each day gets tougher. I wear my ring on my right hand and on my left, I wear a my birth stone which he bought me. After Raymond died, I kept hearing the wedding vows, till death do us part! That's what made me realize wearing my ring on my left hand was no longer valid for our love will always be there. As time goes by, life changes and who knows! We can't forget the past, however, we can embrace the future!

 

Omg, how do you live through this more than once? I cannot imagine.

 

Hi LindaH.

I made a beaded chain for my wife's
1/2 glasses and now have the beaded chain through her wedding ring. I started to leave denial last week.

My dainty dearness left me on the
16th of March after 8 days in ICU.
It has been a very rough time but
have been keeping her halfs and ring close to me most days.

I began to write' "The story of Sofia" and boy do the memories return and they are very nice.