My twin boys

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss' started by Kayla, Dec 6, 2016.

  1. Kayla

    Kayla New Member

    Hello I'm new here and been trying to help find ways to help the loss of my children. My town I live in doesn't have a support group for it. I go to counciling once a week also but it's not the same to find someone who knows your pain.
    I don't exactly have the most common situation but I have found its one that no one talks about. On July 29th 2016 I was in a parking lot of a food store having pains I had been having for a day and a half and didn't know what it was. I was 5 months pregnant with twins. Indentical twin boys. They were healthy but growing quite faster then they should have been. I started leaking fluid and was rushed to the er. I sat in the er for a min as I was pushed aside waiting for someone to help me. Crying and leaking in a hard wheelchair. I finally got wheeled up to labor and delivery and was being pushed into my room when my water broke in the chair. I got undressed and in the bed. The nurse had put a contraction monitor on and walked away. I had been yelling and asking to be flown to the more experienced hospital I had been going to with my pregnancy for the past two months and they said we have to make sure your stable enough before we do that. Well 2 hours went by as I sat alone. The ultra sound tech came in and did her job I saw my boys alive moving around only on sac had popped. Then they checked my dilation with a metal speculum and said I'm sorry but your kids head is ready to pop out. I could only sit and cry and cry as it started to soak in. I delivered my first boy and I was still crying. They wrapped him up and put him in my arms. He moved and made a slight cry. And before I knew it he was gone. Right before my eyes. Half hour later my other son was coming he was born breach and got stuck. I pushed him out and same thing happen. I had both my boys in my arms for 45 min. Just crying. Feeling helpless. Feeling cheated. I now suffer from severely bad ppd and ptsd. I'm on meds and trying to cope. I'm lost this was my first pregnancy. My twin boys I had cremated and they sit in my living room. Recently every where I turn I have ran into a women who's lost a child but can't talk about it.
     
  2. Buffy216

    Buffy216 New Member

    I'm so sorry. I have experienced multiple early losses and can't imagine what you are going through. You're right, nobody talks about it for some reason and that only makes it feel even more isolating.
     
  3. DW4786

    DW4786 New Member

    My wife and I went through a somewhat similar terrible situation. She was pregnant with our first child, a boy, not twins. The pregnancy seemed to be going well but she never really felt him moving and he was always small. We went in for the 28 week ultrasound(at 27 weeks) and after some weirdness and knots in my stomach we were told "the pregnancy is no longer viable" and were pretty much left in the room to digest the information. After hearing this devastating news, we were told that because we were so far she had to actually go through the whole birthing process. It was so insanely sad holding my son after that, I don't feel I have ever fully recovered. It has been almost 2 years and we have recently been blessed with a baby girl. The problem now is that we are just past 27 weeks with an ultrasound scheduled Monday. My wife has been struggling throughout the pregnancy but the past few days have been the hardest so far. We both just lost it while laying down for bed, it is hard to be happy about our daughter while approaching the 2-year...anniversary(?) of what happened. I want you to know if you never miss those boys, IT IS OK AND TOTALLY NORMAL. I will never know who he would have grown up to be, all I know is I miss him every single day and don't think I will ever stop.
     
  4. DW4786

    DW4786 New Member

    Also *never stop missing those boys...I am sorry, I am not 100% sober right now, it has been a long night
     
    Debsforever likes this.
  5. Fleur

    Fleur New Member

    Hello,

    I am very sorry for your loss. I am currently going through the same situation. I had been having difficulties conceiving ( no known diagnosis) so I did ivf. After the second transfer I conceived twins only to fond out at my anatomy scan that both girls have a lot of anomalies and they are incompatible with life. Everyone I know has been asking me to pray. I feel cheated by God, how can I keep praying while I am so hurt. First, I couldn’t conceive and I finally managed to but to loose them just halfway into the pregnancy. Why is this world so cruel?