My Sun is gone

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by Brian'sMomma, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. Brian'sMomma

    Brian'sMomma Guest

    My only son, the oldest of 4 , died, 22 months ago. Brian was 32 , he flipped his SUV and was thrown out of it. Died w/in a few moments. I am numb. No one but another grieving parent can help me. I am 55, cannot work as a nurse anymore, I barely leave the house. My baby! Someone please help me to come to understand this insanity
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. You're right, there's no one but another grieving parent who can even begin to understand the horribly pain of child loss. I think the only thing you can do is live - one minute at a time, one hour at a time. In the beginning it's about just getting through it. Nothing else. Find support, let others know you need help, and don't try to do this on your own. I'm so glad you have found our site and I hope you can find some support here. We're here to help~
     
    Mike3553 likes this.
  3. Belinda Schell

    Belinda Schell New Member

    Everything you are feeling is normal. When my son died I thought I would not be able to move on. But I was determined not to let death rob my other children of their mother. Even though they were grown. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. If you feel like screaming, then scream. If you want to get in the bed and hide under the covers, then hide. There will forever be good days, bad days and days that you go through and don’t even remember. The pain doesn’t ever go away, but it does get manageable. I pray for us all. We should never have to bury our children.
     
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  4. AdriaStar

    AdriaStar Active Member

    I'm so sorry. It is incredibly difficult to move forward after the death of your child. My son passed away one year and 20 days ago ten days after his 39 birthday and getting through each day feels almost impossible at times. The only time I feel right is when I'm with my daughter and grandkids, they keep me going. Like Belinda said, I'm determined to not let his death rob my daughter of her mother too and that gets me through every day. Grieve, cry.....
     
    Missy Shaw likes this.
  5. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

     
  6. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    I am very new here and really wish I didn’t need to be. My 28 year old son passed away last Saturday and I pray for relief for you. You are not alone.
     
  7. AdriaStar

    AdriaStar Active Member

    I'm so sorry....no words will make anything better but my heart hurts for you. My hearts hurts for all of us moms who've lost children, no matter how old they are, it's a huge hole....
     
    KJ-Kathy likes this.
  8. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    Yes it is a huge hole. First day back to work, made it almost all day and then I just felt the tears coming so I left about an hour early.
     
  9. Melissa Stasiak

    Melissa Stasiak New Member

    I am new here too and I'm so lost. On Apirl 11, 2019, my 20 year old son, my only child was killed in a horrific accident on his way to work by a careless person who did not see my son's broken down car. The breakdown had been reported to police, his hazard lights were on, but not only didn't this person see him but told the trooper that he didn't even know he hit a car until they came to a stop a hundred or so feet away. I was on my way to pick him and take him to work and arrived as they were shutting down the highway. They say that he died immediately. What if the troopers arrived sooner or if I had, or if he had gotten out of the car?! Would he still be here with me where he belongs? To make matters worse my dad died suddenly at the end of February and I haven't been able to grieve for him before this happened. My entire world revolved around my son and I don't know how to go on. My heart has been torn from my chest and my soul is shattered. I just don't see the point in anything now, why am I still here? If one more person wants to hug me or asks me what they can do to help me I am going to lose my mind. I know they mean well but really the one thing in the world I need, I can no longer have. I am back to work although I don't know why, most days I sit at my desk in tears. I am so sorry that we have to be be here on this senseless journey.
     
  10. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    I too have times at work when I cry. For the first time ever I have put all my pending things on a big white board. Sometimes I have lots of different projects, under normal circumstances When someone asked the status I can rattle it off but right now my mind is not as focused. I wish it could have worked out different but I start everyday hoping that today will be a little better than yesterday, sometimes it is and sometimes not do much. I know my son would not want me to never be happy again. The best I can do right now is one day at a time and sometimes it is a few minutes at a time. Always here to listen.
     
    AdriaStar likes this.
  11. AdriaStar

    AdriaStar Active Member

    I'm so sorry. I'm over a year out from losing my son and it's truly a horrible journey I wish on no one. I have no way to help you but you''ve been heard.
     
    KJ-Kathy likes this.
  12. ScottsMom119

    ScottsMom119 Member

    I am also a part of the club no parent wants to be a part of. I lost my son on January 19, 2016 to a blood clot. He woke up to go to work at 6:30 and collapsed on his bathroom floor surrounded by three of his children. He was dead by 9 am. He left behind a fiancee (they were getting married October 31, 2016) and five children. They say time is the great healer but I think people who say they never lost anybody close to them. Time has done nothing for me but left me more sad, and angry at the hospital that turned him away (they said they figured he was just there for painkillers when all he was begging them for was Coumadin), and missing him every day in things I see and hear and think about. I know I will never see him again or hear his voice again and that kills my soul. I had to go on living because he also left behind two younger brothers who needed me. They are now my support system. I cannot wait to see him again someday somehow and hear him say "Hello, Gorgeous", which he always said when he called me and wanted something, LOL.
     
  13. Mike3553

    Mike3553 New Member

    It never gets any easier just trying to remember the good times makes it worse for me my son and I were best friends and roommates he came home one weekend with me took what he thought was a Zanex and it was not it was fetenal I found him the next morning and my heart was torn out never the same grief and guilt is always with me but we move on one day at a time don’t rush it enjoy what you have I know Corey would have wanted me to live and I am trying but yea I have gotten used to the breakdowns and dried tears on my face
     
  14. Williameon

    Williameon New Member

    1. I am new here too. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my son this past December to murder. He was 25 years old. I am still seeking justice for my son. I feel lost as well. I experienced another loss this past June, my daughter’s father suddenly passed away. My priority has been supporting my daughter through loss of her brother and dad. I have not grieved. My journey has been very lonely and painful.
     
  15. PageKing

    PageKing New Member

    Hello to all,
    My son Noah was 26 when he died on January 13th of this year from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident. When I relive that day, I still can't believe it happened and that we all survived the stunning shock of it. To wake up one morning with 3 adult living children and go to bed that night with 2 is as unreal to me now as it was 9 months ago. I had to not only receive the news of my son's death at the hospital (and comfort his shattered father, though we are divorced), I had to also give the news to my daughter and other son when they arrived at the hospital after it had already happened. It was like shooting them. This was truly the worst thing I have ever gone through, and I'm still not over it. I was numb for months. The feelings of grief did not even begin to seep in until six months after it happened. I did see a therapist for a while but frankly did not find it helpful. I also tried a grief support group but hearing others' stories just added to my pain. This loss tore our already fragile family apart. We seem to all have retreated to separate corners, probably because our own pain is too great to risk sharing with one another. I do go to work and function, but at home I am uninspired, unmotivated, and empty. Last night my cousin invited me and my daughter to dinner with her and her 2 daughters. No one ever said a word about Noah or our loss. Someone in their lives had recently committed suicide and as they talked about it, I felt like I was being kicked over and over. I wonder if I was just as insensitive toward others' grief before losing my son. People just seem oblivious. They want us to be over it, I suppose, but that's never going to happen. We just have to somehow find the "new normal" of our lives, one that includes this inexplicable loss.