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My soulmate is gone!

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Patrick61790, Nov 29, 2020.

  1. Patrick61790

    Patrick61790 New Member

    Hello my name is Patrick and I am new to this site. I am in so much pain it’s unbearable and the emptiness I feel is overwhelming. Being in this house alone is almost to much to bare! My pain is fresh my wife just passed away on November the 16th from brain cancer. She was just diagnosed on October the 15th and was gone in a month. I am in so much pain and I don’t know how to move on. I am stuck and I feel like I am dying inside. She was only 55 years old and we were supposed to grow old together. I am so lost and can’t function right now and am afraid of everything falling apart. God help me please!
    LivingWithGrace and glego like this.
  2. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Hi Patrick.I'm very sorry you're here. I lost my sweet wife Peg suddenly from a brain aneurysm on Nov 2, 2019. It was so sudden I was in shock for a week or so I guess. I don't really remember much about the first few weeks. Loneliness was the hardest part for me. I hated being home alone. I didn't eat for 4 days! Couldn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time. I was a mess! Going back to work was the best thing I did for myself. I did that around 2 weeks after she died. I needed to get out of the house. You need to focus on your health. Eat right, sleep well, breath. Grieving is so hard on you. Especially in the beginning. I promise you it will get better as more time goes by. Peace.
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  3. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how u feel, list my wonderful husband to cancer in October 2019. It’s a horrible and lonely feeling that you won’t get over soon. Just take one time at a time. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. God bless
  4. chacoswife3

    chacoswife3 New Member

    I feel for all of you. i just lost my husband, who was my soulmate and best friend-to Covid... he fought in the hospital for 6 weeks and lost the battle on Nov 10th... I feel dead, i still can't believe he's gone. i just want to die along with him
  5. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. Everything you describe that you are feeling is normal for what you are going through. Your loss is very fresh and you are trying to survive minute to minute, day to day. There are many here who understand the experience and overwhelming pain. You did not have much time to adjust after her diagnosis which is also very hard. I lost my husband at age 59 to complications of his lung cancer treatment. Too young, too soon. My one and only. Focus on getting through just one day. Breathe. Eat, drink water, rest and reach out. Be kind to yourself. You will find a lot of understanding and support here. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
    LivingWithGrace and glego like this.
  6. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Patrick, so sorry for your loss. My husband also was 55, much to young and plans for the future. Your loss is so recent, you're going through everything that is necessary to grieve, as other have said above a day at a time, try to eat well, sleep and get out for a walk. If you have family or friends that can just be with you that helps. Don't worry about moving on or how to, again a day at a time. I tried this concept of moving on, it didn't work for me. I think because I don't want to "move on" as they say. I'm calling it incorporating, I'm incorporating my memories and all those qualities that my husband gave me to make me a better person. I speak about him to friends and he will never in my heart and mind be gone, he's not physically with me but a part of my life.

    To all on here, I know we're in something we rather not be in.
  7. Rsw

    Rsw New Member

    I am so sorry I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband from pancreatic cancer , diagnosis on Tuesday or Wed in June hospice in on Friday he was gone on Monday. The sudden part sent me into a shock that I have yet to come out of. I just finished looking at his clothes again I haven’t moved anything.
    I feel like I am falling apart every minute of everyday. It’s like someone cut half our body off. People don’t get it they don’t know what to say so they say nothing. I hit the 5 month mark I exist go to work come straight home fall asleep on the couch because I don’t sleep at night. I keep waiting for a day when I won’t cry hasn’t come yet. I will keep you in my prayers. The Holidays are hard so hard. If you can let your emotions out I feel it helps a little.
  8. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Patrick, I can relate to your grief in many ways. My husband died after a long illness to Sarcoma on Nov 4th so it wasn't as sudden as your wife's passing. We both thought the doctors could save him, but the cancer took him. He was home with hospice for two weeks and died. Even though you know your husband is terminal and you think you can deal with the loss you find out you cannot deal with the loss at all. Your emotions go from being brave to weak.
    Now, after 4 weeks I hate my feelings, hate it. I just don't know what my purpose is now. The shock and depression in the mornings and evenings are something that really scares me. I relive every last moment he was in that hospital bed, over and over, hurting so much.

    I joined this forum in hopes we all can help each other cope. Maybe by typing our feelings we can move on somehow.
    LivingWithGrace likes this.
  9. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Patrick as everyone here has said one moment at a time. You don't need to move on. Just do one next thing...eat, sleep, go outside. Let the feelings flow...I sobbed, I pounded the floor on my knees, I cried out WHY, I screamed in pain,... it would bring me a few hours of calm. Luckily I live in the country so no neighbours to call the guys with the little white jackets on me. I barely remember the first few weeks. It does get better. It has been 13 months since my sweetie died and though somedays are still unbearable I am doing better.
    LivingWithGrace and Barry like this.
  10. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to read your post. Covid is a horrible virus. Your loss is so recent.I remember what it felt like in the beginning.I felt very much the same as you. The loneliness was the worst part for me. I'm glad to see you have 6 children and 16 grandchildren. Spend as much time as possible with them. Unfortunately most people will go back to their lives within the first month. Family members to grieve with is what you need right now. Concentrate on your health. Eat, drink water, and breathe. Get fresh air. I'm 13 month past the death of my wife Peg. I promise you it will get a little easier as time goes by. One day at a time.Peace.
    LivingWithGrace and glego like this.
  11. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling well of watching my love lying in a hospital bed, fighting, wanting to live, and my hope and strength turn to fear and panic as I watched him slip away. You are absolutely right - thinking about the loss and then dealing with the actual loss don’t even compare. I am still devastated and get feelings of panic and overwhelm if I think too far into the future. For right now, one day at a time. I pray everyday that Michael knows he was loved so much, and that I miss everything about him. I pray that I will see him again someday and will live my life to honor him. Peace to you.
    LivingWithGrace and glego like this.