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My Son, My Life, Gone

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Kellie, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. Kellie

    Kellie New Member

    My 30 year old son, was in a terrible accident. I had to make the decision to take him off life support. It was horrific. He lived with me, and worked with me. It has been less than 2 months, but I feel each day is getting worse. The house is so empty now. He was all I had. Everywhere I go and everything I do reminds me of him. Everyone has gone back to their normal lives, but I am left all alone. No one else understands what u am going through. I go on with my daily life, because I have to, not because I want to. All I can to is cry, all the time when I am alone. I need some kind of help to get through this. But what?
     
  2. ccbythesea

    ccbythesea New Member

    Time is on your side. One of the reasons people seem not to be there for you is several fold: they have to go back to their own lives because they cannot feel this loss as deeply as you do; also (and no one likes to say this) you have become their worst nightmare, so they may be shying away from you because you represent the worst thing that could happen to them; in the best case, they don't know what to do for you because they can't change your reality.

    Time truly does help, but only 2 months out is a very short time. While you are waiting for the healing qualities of time passing, you should treat yourself with the kid gloves you wish other people were wearing. Allow yourself to cry without apology, take long walks, eat comforting foods and get massages from a sensitive professional. Above all don't isolate yourself and learn what are the things that hurt you the most (photos, momentoes, etc.) Only visit these things when you are stronger. It's still too early.

    It may take many months before the shock is over. You will begin to notice differing stages of your grief, but the loss of your son has changed you forever. Your challenge is to make peace with the changed woman you have become.

    I am so sorry for your loss. I had to take my husband off life-support. He was the love of my life for 30 years. The only comfort I can offer is that you have done the most difficult and loving thing someone can do for another. If you were brave enough to do that, you are brave enough to face the rest of your life. Be gentle and forgiving of yourself. You deserve it.
     
    DEB321, Chris M 2000 and griefic like this.
  3. Kellie

    Kellie New Member

    Thank you so much for your words. At least here I can talk to others who have been through this, and understand what I am going through.I am so sorry for your loss also. You sound like a very wonderful and understanding person. I wish I could give others some comforting words that would help. Maybe as time goes on, I will be able to.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. Besheka

    Besheka New Member

    I'm really sorry about your loss of your boy. I to loss my 23 yr old son suddenly. My son was missing for 6weeks before I could find him n bring him home. He ran from a traffic stop cause he had a warrant and the police 3 different police agencies chased him. I strongly believe that they had something to do with it. My son was black n had been in trouble since 13 the police use to harass me cus I have a different name n I'm not from this small town so as a young boy he seen what they wud try n do to me n then they started in on him once he got a bit bigger. I've seen n heard the police being racist with my own 2 ears n eyes. It was hard to work with the police cus they didn't want to help me. My son was suppose to come bk home the day he left n he never did n after 3 days of him not responding to me i started to panic i filed a missing person report with the police after a week n a half thts when i put it online telling everyone that i have got the police envolled n it was serious. That's when i found out about the traffic stop the early morning when he was on his way home.. he was a passenger n the guy driving got pulled over my son jumped out n ran. After the stop by Altoona police then Eau Claire city n County cops came...the driver said there must have been atleast 10 cop cars tht night n the proceeded to look n then chase my son thru a heavily wooded area n eventually to a cliff with water below. I just knew he was by water cuss it kept being in my head tht he was on the side of the river. I searched for 6weeks begging the police to put boats in the water n the refused. The day after Thanksgiving was a nice day it was a Friday n I found a boat by myself and was going in the water to look tht Saturday but a kayaker decided to enjoy tht gd 60 degree day in November n he found my son in the water. I knew it!!!!! He went to Madison n the cause of death was fresh water drowning. I don't believe that at all. My son was 23 in the best shape of his life. Been swimming in lakes n rivers his whole life why he can't swim now? Also he was in the water for 6weeks but his body barely made it to the next exit so maybe a mile. If he was actually in the deep end the current is quick n he shud have gone further done the river if tbt was the case. Also I asked was there any scratches or bruises n was told no. Well it was a heavily wooded area and he only had on a t-shirt n pants. It wud be impossible to run thru all tht pitch dark n not get scratched or fall n the drop off to the water was about 2 miles from the police stop. N its all rocks n you can't fall into the water you wud have to go dwn the deep embankment n walk 10/15 feet to the water
    I never trusted the police they treated me terribly and I didn't think they were responsible until i got the cause of death . I then started to record the cops cus they were rude mean n did not care. So I got a civil rights attorney n he wanted me to file a wrongful death suit against 3 police departments. I went bk n forth for 3years n decided I cud not mentally take it. The cops wud fight dirty n bring up any n everyones wrong with i was fine with but his father had gotten into drugs the past few years n they wud use tht to diminish us as a family. Also my attorney wanted me to sue for money n I didn't want tht. Just want who's responsible to pay. I strongly n firmly believe that something happened n the police are part to blame for his death. I believe. To many questions unanswered n suspicious shit on the cops end. But I wud NEVER be able to prove it. Like I said before how a mom just knows. Well I know that they did something n I'm sure my son fought them je always did n he was big n strong so it wud take atleast 3/4 cops to subdue him. I just know tht there was words n a fight n unfortunately my son lost the battle. Thts my story its going on 4 years Oct 20th n it still hurts as bad as day 1 but you get use to the pain. I've grown angry n vengeful I already suffer from bipolar but this ptsd n grief has me all twisted up. Its worsen then any mental illness n I think I have trauma ptsd n grief from the whole thing. That's my story