My son committed suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Barbara Cameron, Mar 22, 2017.

  1. Barbara Cameron

    Barbara Cameron New Member

    In June of 2015 I got an "I love you" text from my 25 year old son a few seconds later he stepped off of a ladder and hung himself! Ive tried so hard to just get through but now I'm having trouble just taking care of myself! It just doesn't feel like I'm going to survive this!
     
  2. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Barbara:
    I am so very sorry about your son. I know it's heartbreaking. I lost my only daughter 15 years ago to leukemia and the day I buried her, I wanted to jump into the grave also. I never thought I would survive and I literally felt my heart inside my chest shatter. Since then, I have lost many loved ones as well and it's been an emotional rollercoaster. However, I'm still here kicking.

    I feel your pain in losing your son, however I have never lost anyone to suicide. That must be even worse and harder to accept and deal with. I'm sure perhaps you question yourself each and every day and wonder what you could have done to save him. You have to find a way to stop going there. You obviously want to find a way to heal and start living again and that's why you found this site. That's the healthy side of you at work.

    I don't know if you have other children or a husband or extended family and I'm not sure of your living situation. I do know for me, bereavement support groups helped quite a bit. It's different from online support. You're physically in front of other people who are dealing with the same struggle and pain. You can listen, vent, be understood and heard. I think that's what we all want. I joined such a group after my daughter passed away and also both my parents. One 12 years ago and my Mom in 2015. I won't tell you that the pain goes away, because it never really does. However our ability to deal with it and still live our lives gets better over time. With hard work, strength and belief that life is certainly worth living. And it is. Even without our loved ones, because that's what they would want. Your son obviously loved you because he made sure that those were the last words you heard from him. It is very sad that he didn't love himself and life enough to keep living and battling whatever was troubling him. You have to want to live for yourself and not just for other people. That has nothing to do with the kind of Mom you were. It's just that the healthy part of our son wasn't strong enough and for that, I'm so very sorry.

    I am sure that they probably have support groups in your area for people who have lost loved ones to suicide. Perhaps you should try looking into that. It will help you. The first time you go is the hardest and it gets easier as you go along. I know this personally because I have attended many, many meeting in the past 15 years.

    And even if you don't feel like taking care of yourself, you have to push yourself to do so. I'm sure you know that. One day at a time and baby steps.

    I hope my words have helped and please feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat. I'm here.

    Wishing you the strength to heal. Take good care~Ellen
     
  3. Michelle Hughes

    Michelle Hughes New Member

     
  4. Michelle Hughes

    Michelle Hughes New Member

    Dear Barbara,my son also hung himself,2 yeats ago last September.He would have been 30 the following month.I dont know how i go on living with this much pain.O think i doing beyter then i fall apart all over again.I am shattered.I know your pain,and I am here for you.
     
  5. TBM

    TBM New Member

    Barbara and Michelle, I lost my 13 yr old son to suicide by hanging 17 months ago. It’s still something I cannot get my mind around. Life will never be the same, and we will never get over our losses. Hugs.
     
  6. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Thank you to everyone here who has shared their story and offered support to one another. I am sorry for the losses you have had to bear. I hope you are finding some support and comfort here. Please remember we are here to help in any way we can, and please take care~
     
  7. Teresa Mackey

    Teresa Mackey New Member

    I am new on here. My 24 year old son committed suicide this year. I'm just so lost now. I have an amazing family and support but just don't see how this can be real. I am just reaching out for support.
     
    Maureen Wilkerson likes this.
  8. Maureen Wilkerson

    Maureen Wilkerson New Member

    Hi Teresa,
    I’m so sorry. I lost my 22 year old stepson to suicide April 23 2017. By gunshot.
    It is so terribly painful and rips your heart and soul apart :(
    I still wake up every morning saying this can’t be real but unfortunately it is......
    I have been seeing a grief counselor- she helps me learn to accept the irrationality of suicide and coping techniques for the “normal” world.
    My husband won’t do counseling but he finally joined a bereaved parents group with me. In a sad way it helps to know others out there have a lot of the same feelings/issues as you.
    This is my first post on this site. I’m willing to try and reach out for help or give support to other survivors of suicide.
    May you find a bit of peace every day and remember to Be Kind To Yourself
     
  9. In August 2016 I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer. 5 months later my son hung himself off of a bridge 1 month before his 19th birthday. Having watched my husvand die knowing the inevitable, I have found it much harder to recover from the sudden unexpected loss of my son. It has been almost 18 months and I am still completely dysfunctional. I have not been able to work or focus on anyone who loves me. I cry every single day, several times. Everything is a trigger. Everywhere I look or go there is something about cancer or suicide. Its exhausting. I am here bc i am 9 days sober and trying to stay that way bc i almost killed myself last week..unintentionally. As much as I constantly wish the days away, i still have an 18 year old daughter and 9 grandchildren that need me. My son had a baby on the way when he died. He is 1 year old and looks and acta just like him. It is very emotionally difficult for me to spend time with him, but I am trying because I am all he has left of hia daddy. I have to stay sober for him.
     
    HollyTreksMom likes this.
  10. Boychild's Mom

    Boychild's Mom New Member

    On Nov 30, 2016, my beautiful 24yr old son and I rode around and looked at Xmas lights. We went back home and danced in the kitchen. He was so proud that he had learned how to 'spin', We sat down to watch a movie. Then decided I would go to Sonic first. He wanted boneless chicken wings. I got back, and he was asleep in the recliner, so I put his food on the stove and went to bed. Next morning, Dec 1st, I tried to wake him for breakfast and realized that he had left me. He had a gunshot to his temple.
     
  11. Songmom4ever

    Songmom4ever New Member

    Dear Boychild's Mom, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 21 year old son, on December 30, 2016 also by Gunshot. Sometimes I think I've made it through the cycles of grief, then then emptiness starts up again. In trying to come to terms with my own sons suicide, I have gone to read, and written and prayed and cr ied and there are times when I feel my Beautiful Boy near me. I know that he was in so much emotional pain, that I refer to it as emotional cancer. We had tried for months to get help with his depression. Suicide is so damn devastating because it was a choice of our beloved son's to go. And yet, once I saw the emotional pain my Joseph was in. I realize that he needed to go. He also sent a text saying he loved me. I think they are in so much pain, that they do not see how much they will be missed, they don't see the devastation until it is too late. I just want to offer my support and send you hugs and cry with you. This is so hard.
     
    Saoirse likes this.
  12. Songmom4ever

    Songmom4ever New Member

    Dear Teresa, I lost my son at the end of 2016. It is so hard. I am reaching out to support you. I am praying for you as a sister who is grieving also. Much love to you,
    Songmom4ever (Vicki)
     
  13. Lucy MKJ

    Lucy MKJ Member

    I am so sorry, I understand your feelings completely. My son committed suicide 7-7-17. He was depressed and we couldn’t help him. We tried but in the end his pain was too great. My son was 31, getting a divorce after 6 years and he has a beautiful daughter who is now 3. Since I am disabled I do not get to see her very much. It is very easy to be mad at my physical limitations than to grieve the loss of my son.