My sister is going to blame me

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by professormac, Nov 5, 2019.

  1. professormac

    professormac Guest

    My mom died less than 2 weeks ago. I was the health care proxy because my mom said of us three sisters I would be the strong one and one sister would try to keep her alive. Well it played out just like that. I listened and tried to be collaborative but my sister refused to see the reality all health providers were saying even when mom went to hospice. What everyone else could see she couldn’t. She told me she loved mom and was invested in her living and going home while I was invested in her dying and getting put somewhere. Ouch. She wouldn’t even speak to our other sister in moms final minutes nor at anytime through the funeral. And now of course we have a small estate to deal with in which mom had no will. I am waiting to be told by her that I killed mom. I think even if it is not said it’s there as an unsaid lead balloon. She acts like she is the only one who lost a mother. Didn’t even show up in town until calling hours while I made the funeral arrangements. She only really worked on a video that was beautiful and played at the funeral, I feel like I can’t even grieve my mother due to this tension, I am giving space for me but also for my relationship with my sister too, I don’t want to contribute to further tension and damage. Mom would be mad and ashamed of us. I think mom never could have imagined the strength I would really need to guard her wishes as her proxy. And though many tell me I did the right things for my mom and stayed strong, there are flutters of doubt that mess with my head because of my sisters unrelenting energy to try to save our dying mother. I am in such pain from this situation and wonder if I will ever find peace with this in the remaining years of my life. I’m 60 and don’t want this hanging over me for what time I have left