I lost my roommate in March. I know he shot himself and I can't get rid of the mental picture of the blood on walls. How do you get it out of your mind? How do you even begin to understand enough to not feel guilty?
Keelie, I am so sorry for your loss. When we lose someone to suicide there will always be questions left in its wake. The wondering, the second guessing, the what if's... Many griever are traumatized by loss, and this sounds like you were forced to witness some very disturbing things. PTSD is often used to describe those who have been traumatized by the sights and sounds of war, but I think it very much applies to the griever and things they can't un-see. While time can be a healer, I would say the very violent images and nature of this loss may mean that more help from a professional counselor is needed. There are methods in therapy used specifically to heal from the images we can't get out of our head, for example EMDR Therapy. It may be worth researching and talking to your physician about. And finally support from those who understand helps...I'm glad you've joined us and hope you can find that help here. I wish you all the best~
