Hi there guys, Awesome to find a website that we all share a common bond together. As I read almost every story of loss by everyone here,I cant help but relate to each one... I have been married to Gran (yes-her real name is Granny) for almost 13yrs but I have known her for 32yrs. She is my "one and only". Gran wasnt just the rock in our little family,but to all those that she touched too....she just had that warm magic aura with people. During this time we have had but only one son of 13yrs,which we love and cherish dearly. Truly blessed to have him in our lives,is Gran would always say... It has been almost a year now when my wife was suddenly stolen from us on 19 July 2019. All I remember saying to her was,"breathe deep an get this done,we have a big trip coming up"as I kiss her for luck (not knowing that it was our last kiss...) As she gets wheeled off down stairs,she looks back waving with that beautiful warm smile of hers,just for a"routine CT scan". As it was just me my son at the hospital that day with Gran-30mins later we are ushered into another room,only to be told she will not be coming back...(and to find out later the hospital didnt pickup she had died of a heart problem) Shock rocks over me as I brace my now broken son,who cant believe his Mum is not comin back... From that day,me an God have not seen eye to eye... For me,its taken this long to realise I needed to find why I cant connect,but reading everyone's losses,I feel alot more at ease,cos it's normal... My one and only priority since that day has been trying to make it normal for my son,but it's been really hard-but I think I have managed to get on top of it so far-woohoo!!!
Stan, Let me say I am so sorry for the loss of your wife and your sons Mom. You’re so right that this site puts everyone in touch with others who are going through the same overwhelming pain. All things we each feel is pretty much the same, lonliness, anger, guilt, we all are experiencing it. Knowing that we’re not alone in these feelings is a nice feeling. So you can say, Ok, I’m normal. I lost my one and only 11-17-18, to a sudden heart attack, came out of no where. Ron was always healthy. That evening at 9:30 he didn’t feel well, at 11:34 I lost my soul mate! I went into a state of shock, couldn’t think clearly, all the things I’m sure you have experienced. I didn’t find this site until 11 months after he passed, and it’s been very helpful. I’m sure you’ll find that as well. Many caring compassionate people. I can’t even imagine how your son is dealing, I’m sure he feels lost, confused and angry. All normal. Hopefully he talks to you and relatives about his feelings and get some of his pain out. Keep sharing and reading other people’s stories. It’s so helpful! Hold your son close. There will be Better days ahead, keep working towards them. Robin
Same here. Just beautiful to be with people that speaks the same language - grief. 13 years ago, I moved overseas to be with my husband. We were so happy, we were like seed and a pod that in 12 years being together, we just had few arguments. One night, he said, "I wonder what challenge there would be to break us?" I said NONE! and both hosing ourselves. December 2018, he got diagnosed of MDS. 7th of February 2019, he passed away peacefully. Now, I am back in the arms of my loving family, but question, "do they really know how I feel?" With this group, I know you all do and makes me feel comfortable to open up. You are lucky to have a part of her that you can hug and talk to. Keep well. Big hug from the other side of the world.
Hi there Robin, Thank you sooo much for sharing the loss of your Ron and taking the time to write back. Iv been told that time will heal you,but I cant help thinking it will take alot more than that... Thank you soo much for your words of encouragement it really means alot. After reading these loss letters,I feel a little burden has lifted from my heavy heart and shone a light to pathe my way.... Thank you again Robin
Hi there Senith, Cheers for the big hug and so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found this site to help ease your loss like we all have.... Funny that,even we used to laugh about who would go first-and then who would be able to handle it better afterwards. I can tell you now-I struggled... I know what you mean how our families try to relate to our pain... We have moved out from my wife's grandmothers house as there was to many memories to bear... Thank you soo much for your kind words and sharing Senith and please be safe. Big hugs back to you from NZ.
Stan, I am deeply saddened to hear of the loss of Granny, your wife, and the mother of your son. No amount of time will ever truly make us forget the one who we pledged our life together with. I too was married to Nadine for 42. There isn't a day that goes by I have a memory of us together. I also have two sons. I know they have been so affected by the loss of their mother. I have never tried to force a conversation with them. But we have put carried baskets of flowers to her gravesite and stood in silence together. Each year when we gather for holidays one of us there always remembers those we have lost. Sure the words are hard to sometimes say, and tears may form in our eyes, but isn't that what is so special about life - remembering those who affected our lives. July was my wife's birthday month. I guess this year we can think back to what we no longer have beside us, our true mate in life. Stan, losing Granny so quickly and isolated like that is crushing. I feel for you. My sons and I had 10 years to prepare for Nadine to leave us, but even when that day came and past, it is a day we never wanted to ever arrive. Sure those with us offered their hugs and kisses but we were exhausted with such a long journey. Sure during this journey we shared with Nadine and your life with Granny. I take so many memories with me. But I am always brought back to reality at I look at my two sons, who also have such sorrow in their heart, tears in their eyes, and have to find a way forward in life. Nothing has been easy in our path forward. Stan, what I have discovered with my two sons is a they hold so much inside them. It is sometimes extremely hard for them to talk. When they do, their words are sometimes more alarming than any thoughts I could ever entertain. So I will say, your son is also so fractured inside, just as much as you, and perhaps even more. Take care of yourself, and make sure to watch out for both of you for depression. It can be so crippling. I hope you will continue to reach out to us, and to any professionals, you can as well. The phone and internet will be your most valuable tools at this point in your life, as they will allow you to connect. -david A song for you
Wow Stan, Ron and I had the talk of who could manage better after one of us passes. We knew it would be awful for whoever was left behind. We hoped to go together, silly but we didn’t want either of us to struggle so much. Ron was 63, we were together 44 years married 41 years and so happy with our life. I suffer with RA and Ron helped me so much with so many things, and he loved to help me. We ran a business together for 40 years, we were together 24/7. I’ve since closed our business, that was a very hard task, so many tears, a second loss. And now nothing is the same, there’s no schedule or routine, House is quiet and feels so big. Ron and had two children, my daughter lives close and we support each other all the time, my son is in Florida but we support each other through phone calls and texts etc. so thankful for our children. I can understand your need to move, I’m sure it was a difficult decision and hard to do, but it sounds like you’re happy with your decision and move. It’s a little strange how much this site helps, but it seriously does. I was seriously struggling when I found this site and things are going some better and easier now. I do find that this health crisis we’re living through is causing me to go backwards a little but I’m still in the fight. I question my purpose, but I have two children who lost their dad, I’m here for them. I’m glad you’re seeing that this site is helpful and that your not alone in your thoughts and pain. Keep pushing forward ❤️Robin
Hi there David, I am truly saddened for the loss of your wife Nadine,for you and your 2 sons. Wow-10 years to prepare for her departure. I dont know how you and your sons could have done that,but I'm sure it was a day you dreaded from happening and wish to God it would never had come.... Not so long ago I had mate come over one evening just for a couple of beers, and-he-to-had just lost his Mum (to Cancer-on the 19 June 2019). One month apart from my Gran on 19 July 2019. He asked me a question that kinda lingers on my mind now and then...he said-"which would I have preferred,knowing a loved one who is about to die or a loved one that died suddenly?" For me,I chose "knowing"-as we would have at least time to write a will,prep our accounts,funeral and her side of the family (who I am having disputes with at the moment...) and this way it would been just a little bit more easier. My mate on the other hand chose "suddenly"-as I was really surprised... He said,although they had time to prep,it was the shear suffering and watching a great woman like his Mum diminish to this Cancer every day...he wished it was sudden so the suffering can stop... I commend you David for being so strong for you and your boys during that time. For now our beautiful wives/mothers are suffering no more... Yes-I truly believe you are right about our boys suffering,how much they hold inside and the alarming things they say. Just yesterday,I was late for work,as my boy at breakfast brought up subject of suicide and how easy it would be,which rang alarm bells through my head. How can a 14yr old think like that?!! I sat there calmly (very nervous and choosing my words carefully...) explaining that I was glad he came to me to talk about it. Explained the repercussions of suicide and how he means so much to me and if he was to ever need me for anything I'm there for him regardless...guess our boys need that assurance that its gonna be ok,that as a parent we will always be there for them...yes David-"alarming"... Got in my van for work afterwards and just hung my head down to shed a few tears of relief.... Alot of blessings in disguise and self discoveries is what I am finding at the moment... Again David,thank you for reaching out and just showing that support. Please take care of yourself and your 2 precious boys... Stan
Sorry for your loss. The kids are definitely number one priority. Being strong 4 them it what makes us strong. Its definitely what keep me goin cause without them I probably wouldnt move. Stay strong
