My mom (51) passed away in her sleep 2 months ago-

Two months ago on March 12th, I woke up to 8 missed calls from my step dad and a text, I chose to read the text before calling him back and the text just read "mom is dead please call me". She passed in her sleep. In the last several years her health had declined, she suffered from severe depression and alcoholism and was constantly getting sick because she didn't eat. She got a SUI last year and it put a heavy burden on our relationship. I tried to set boundaries so I didn't speak to her as much, and was mad at her for choosing alcohol over a relationship with me, and then all of a sudden she was gone. I didn't get to say goodbye or tell her I loved her. The complicated part of this is that my step dad (whom I have never had a good relationship with) enabled this behavior, he bought her alcohol and allowed her to go days without eating rather than seek out help to get her better. She passed away two days before my state went on pandemic lockdown, and I have not received her toxicology report or cause of death yet. I am scared to let myself start healing because I am scared of what is going to be on that report and if it will rip the wounds wide open again. I miss her.

 

Kay,

So sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, and there is never a good way to find out.

Even though she had troubles in her life does not mean she still did not love you very much. Unfortunately we often find out too late how in need someone truly is until it may be too late.

But please never blame yourself, as those were her demons that took control of her life, not anything you ever did.

No matter what you find out on the report, it will not dismiss the fact that your mother is no longer with you. It of course will be hard to come to terms with her loss.

Try to think about all the wonderful times you both shared. That picture of you both was beautiful. That depicts a loving mother and daughter, nothing less. So you remember her that way, and all the times that she shared with you as you grew.

I hope you will look upon all those memories with fondness, and try to get past those bad moments and put them behind you. Dwelling on them will do you no good.

Take care of yourself, and look out for your well being. Peace be with you.


-david


A song for you