My husband shot himself in front of our daughter who is 34 and i was right outside the window. The first shot was aimed out the window to i beleive to distract me and the second went thru his head. He lived for about 6 hrs. And we had to decide to let him go. I was with him when he took his last breath. 25 yrs together i cant figure out where i went wrong not to see this, or why he didn't trust our love to fight this together. He told our daughter i would be better of without him. So not true. I have had him by mt side thru good and bad. First i blamed myself and then others. Now i am just confused. Gods takes away but gives better. I dont understand. This is the first x-mas, then comes new years, and then our anniversary, and then his birthday. How do i do this... I know that it wasn't him that left me, it was something else in his head. He was bi-polar. Two medications he was on cause suicidal thoughts. Why didnt the dr. Help him. Luv u always paul fenimore.
Hi iam back doing much better now adays. Miss paul bunches. But have come along way. Moving back to the west coast to pick up my life again w/my family our son came home from korea and bought a house snd we r moving soon. I think i am going to be ok. I still think of paul , i will go yo the store and want to buy his favorate foids and drinks. Watch his tv show. Sounds silly maybe. Luv u paul fenimore.
