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My love died 4 months ago

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Jadey, Dec 19, 2020.

  1. Jadey

    Jadey New Member

    Hey everyone I'm from new zealand I'm 33 years old and my partner died 4 months ago 2nd August 2020 he was 39 ... He was n a police chase and then ran and they don't know what happend they are saying he just droped an they done cpr and he died .. I got to the scene 8 mins after he passed sat with him from about 3 m away for 4 hours before they took him away they left him in the middle of the road I have nightmares about it .. I can't sleep at night scared when I close.my eyes that's all I'm going to see .... I'm still waiting for the PM to come back as there is still no cause of death ... And to top it off his family are being complete dicks and making life.and that so much harder to live we would have been together 12 years coming in January and we have a 9 year old together .. I'm just reaching out for some support as I don't know what I'm doing half the time and I wanna b strong for my kids i.also have a 16 year.old to a different realationship ... Christmas is coming I'm so scared I'm going to be a mess ... Life just feels lost lonely and incomplete I know he's around me all the time I have pictures of his shadows etc and music and I'm actually also a.spiritual card reader so yes I get to "talk to him" and stuff but I'm just.lost I wish he would.come back and this was all a sick joke
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Jadey,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. And all the baggage his family is adding. Your feelings of being lost and not knowing what you’re doing, is very normal after such a loss. It’s so painful to keep going after your life has changed so dramatically and in a blink of an eye. Keep your children close they miss him too but also will help you keep going. If you get testy or crying in front of them I think that’s ok. They know how close you were. You’re just missing him.
    The holidays bring struggles to us all, magnifies our loss and the happiness we miss. My fist Christmas after Ron passed was a little over a month later. I can’t really remember it. It’s a blur but I know my adult children were with me.
    It’s wonderful that you feel his presence and talk with him. That’s such a comfort. It’s not enough but it’s what we have. I get visits from Ron all the time, I talk to him and he gives me signs. I’ve felt him hold me in bed and also when wide awake.
    I’m so sorry you had to sit with him waiting so long and totally understand how it’s affecting you. But know in your heart he’s with you and wants you to be ok.
    Know that you’re not alone everyone on this site understands the pain and loneliness. And everyone is full of compassion. Christmas will be hard, but but your kids need you and will show their love for you.
    Sending you hugs! Robin
     
  3. Jadey

    Jadey New Member

     
  4. Jadey

    Jadey New Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words I truley appritate it ...
     
  5. Dee Kay

    Dee Kay Active Member

    So sorry for your loss Jadey. It's hard enough to lose our significant other but to go through such added trauma as what you went through is heartbreaking. I can tell you that at 6 weeks I had no idea what I was doing, somehow I managed to appear "normal" and live my life as a functioning adult but I really don't know how I did. I literally cannot recall doing some of the things I know I did do—I just moved one foot in front of the other in a robotic fashion I suppose and one day became 2, 2 became 3 etc. Here I am 8 months later. Everything you're feeling is normal. This site has helped me understand feelings I had/have are normal and that this is a community of people who are going through the same kind of grief and can truly understand. Be kind to yourself, understand you will feel lonely, and like you don't know what you're doing but know that you will get through, somehow, we all do, it's not easy but we do get through.