My little angel

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss' started by Crystal R, Feb 20, 2019.

  1. Crystal R

    Crystal R New Member

    I'm 37 and just got married in August. We found out that I was pregnant in October. I was 14 weeks and 2 days along when I had a ultrasound done. During the ultrasound the doctor informed me that there was no heartbeat. I had to have a d&c done on February 1st. I just found out that I ended up getting an infection that caused her to die. I keep blaming myself for it. You see I have 3 other children from previous relationships and they were all healthy. And now this. Please help me
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Crystal, I am so very sorry for your loss. I would imagine for most their first instinct would be to tell you that it's not your fault. But if you can't believe that yourself, then no matter how many times you hear it or how many people may say it, it's not going to help or make you feel any differently.
    Whenever I meet a griever who is blaming themselves in some way for their loved one's loss I suggest trying to reframe their perspective.
    Sometimes it can be as simple as asking, did you do the best you could to care for your unborn baby? (I'm guessing your answer is yes) Did you at any point intend to do harm? (That, I'm certain, is a no). And while that still may not feel enough I think sometimes we have to ask ourselves do we really have control over every thing in our life? And if we did, wouldn't everything always turn out the way we would hope?
    I'm hoping you can release some of the guilt you feel and I hope you can forgive yourself and find some peace. It may take time, and I'm hoping connecting with those who can relate will help.
    We are here to offer support and I hope we can be a help to you.
    I truly wish you hope and healing in the days ahead ~