I loss my mom suddenly because of high blood pressure last month, May 10 and it's on mother's day. I greeted her in advance on May 9 and I'm looking forward to have a video call with her after my work on May 10, but I never got the chance anymore because she was rushed to the hospital and God took her home. Me and my family is very close to each other. My mom is also my best friend. I love her so much and it's my greatest fear to loss her in my life and now it happened. I miss her so much, I always think about her day and night and I can't believe that we will not see her anymore in this life. My mom has a high blood pressure sometimes and also high blood sugar. Sometimes my mom and my father will go the nearest pharmacy to check their blood sugar and I'm not sure if she's checking also her blood pressure at the same time. She's taking some medicines but usually she will take it only if she's not feeling well. And whenever she was told to maintain taking her medicines, she will jokingly say if it's time to die, it's time. I never thought we will loss her suddenly as she seems healthy and strong. She actively do the household chores and she's a happy person. I am working abroad and was able to spent time with my family on my vacation last 3 months ago before my mom passed away. It's so painful that I wasn't able to see her again for the last time because of the lockdown. I am struggling with so much negative thoughts and some regrets thinking I should have done something like buying her the device kit for monitoring her blood pressure and blood sugar. Whenever I saw this device kit on the market, I was thinking to buy it but ended up buying other stuffs for them instead to bring it on my vacation. I should have check with my mom more about her health. I am so broken. This negative thoughts and regrets is consuming me instead of remembering all the many happy memories with my mom. I am posting this here as I don't have an outlet to express how I feel. I cannot tell my family as I don't want them to worry about me. I am the eldest among 5 siblings. We are all in shocked and in so much pain. I am encouraging my siblings to be strong especially for our dad. I really feel so weak that I can barely breathe whenever the negative thoughts and regrets attacked me. Our life will never be the same without mom.