*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

My Life Seems So Empty

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Leaf, Sep 22, 2020.

  1. Leaf

    Leaf Active Member

    Dear Arthu - I know just what you mean about the confidence. Its almost as if the rug was pulled out from under us. There are many times when I just don't trust the world anymore. I ask myself - "How can this be?" Other times I say that all the folks on this website are suffering also. Very often, I do not feel anger but apathy. Often, I just don't care about stuff anymore. I try to fight these feelings because I don't think they are good. My wife wouldn't want me to be that way, she was so vibrant and full of life. I also have the ongoing battle of fighting guilt and the "what ifs" as in did I do the right things for her? I believe and pray that I did and that she knows it. Arthur, we are on a long, tough road which is probably the most difficult one we will ever travel.
     
    Mona Lewis likes this.
  2. Leaf

    Leaf Active Member

    Dear Mona - You are right, there were many people who helped us in little ways while my wife was being treated in the hospital and the hospice. I think that we can all maybe help each other a little on this website. Be well.
     
    Mona Lewis likes this.
  3. Mona Lewis

    Mona Lewis Member

    Dear Arthur I too have lost confidence in myself. Simple things I used to do I now fear doing. This grief so shakes up our world, with everything changing I cling to the mundane and ritual of things. It is so unlike the woman I was who loves a new adventure and was sometimes fearless. We also have to make so many decisions. I was okay about the immediate arrangements etc but simple things now are difficult to decide. I find myself procrastinating so I don't have to decide. They say to wait a year before making a big decision like moving. I haven't wanted to move. Our home is the one thing constant that hasn't changed.
     
  4. Leaf

    Leaf Active Member

    Dear Mona - I have found that many decisions are thrust upon me and I really have to think about each one. It is so hard without my wife because we used to talk about everything and make choices together. I still don't trust the world and take nothing for granted. If you love your home and can swing staying there, why not stay? Like I said to Arthur, this is probably the hardest road we will ever have to travel and anything that will ease our passage is a good thing. Be well Mona.
     
  5. Jeffsjohnson

    Jeffsjohnson Active Member

    Emptiness is the theme of my day, week, year and life. You have this wonderful rythum that balances everything, then it is suddenly gone and what remains is nothing. What I had to remember is that while my wife was the center of my universe, there were many other important elements in that orbit, my kids, parents, friends, hobbies, dog, etc. It's like when you put a hand in front of your face...all you can see is the hand. But as the hand retreats a bit - you gain at least some perspective on this - other things start to appear.
     
  6. Leaf

    Leaf Active Member

    Yes, my wife was the center of my universe. And like you said Jeffsjohnson, there are other important things. I am still trying to fill those gigantic empty spaces. Sometimes, I try to expand those other important things to fill the holes. Other times, I try to import new things into my life. Many times however, these expanded and new things just feel forced and false and I'm back to the emptiness. But I continue to pray and reach out to others and I'm hoping that down the road, joy will return to all of our lives.
     
    ainie likes this.