My Joey's 27th Birthday Coming April 3rd

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by PhyllisG, Mar 9, 2017.

  1. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    As I sit here thinking how soon my Joey's 27th birthday will be here (April 3rd), I can only sob and wonder what I will even feel like that date. Should I just plan on being severely depressed, should I celebrate it, I mean I have no idea how I am supposed to feel. I am at a complete loss for thought or words for how I feel about it. I am totally lost right now. For some reason today, it seems like reality is hitting me like a ton of bricks.....ALL OVER AGAIN. Once in awhile, I still cannot believe this is actually my reality. But soon enough, the ton of bricks hits me and I am back in my new reality
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Phyllis, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. These big occasions following the loss of a loved one can often be a cause of stress or additional grief. I have worked with a lot of grievers as they're approaching a significant day (birthday, anniversary or holiday) and one thing I always say is that it's good to have a plan. Even if that plan is to stay in bed all day... but acknowledging and recognizing that the day is going to be very difficult can go a long way in being able to make it through the day once it comes. Plan to be sad. Plan to feel the grief more acutely. And from there...plan the day that makes the most sense to you. Do you turn off your phone, close out the world and spend the day in bed? If that feels right -do it. Do you pick a place that is special to your son or family and invite one person, a few people or a big group of people to go out and remember him together? If that feels right - do that. As the day approaches I believe you'll have a better sense of what feels right, and just know whatever plan you make can always be changed. I wish you all the best, whatever you decide....please take care~
     
  3. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Thanks griefic. I know for sure that I don't need to shut out the world, although I will most likely feel like doing that. I have talked to some friends and family about it and I am leaning toward celebrating that day. After all, that was absolutely the most wonderful day of my life....hands down. I am going to the cemetery (like I do almost every Monday) to put out birthday balloons and flowers. Then we are going to have a birthday cake picnic. People may think I'm nuts, but I'm not too concerned with that. I think I might get some helium balloons to release in his memory also.

    Thanks again. Take care.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I think that sounds lovely (and not nuts at all!). Please report back~ we'd love to hear how it goes. Wishing you all the best...
     
  5. PhyllisG

    PhyllisG Active Member

    Hey there folks. I somehow survived the first April 3rd since the loss of my precious Joey. I tried to attach a picture of the balloons and things I put out for him. I tried to attach a video of my balloon release, but I can't seem to do it (I'm not very tech savvy). The experience was difficult of course, but overall very enjoyable. The truth is that now I can celebrate Joey's birthday again; over the last 10 or 11 years, while Joey's addiction was just growing and growing, there were many birthdays when I didn't even know where he was and wasn't able to even tell him happy birthday over the phone.

    Thanks
     
  6. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Hi Phyllis, thank you so much for coming back to let us know how it went! It sounds like it was lovely, and I think that's a wonderful thing that can happen in the grieving process....the perspective we gain and the new way we have of looking at things. Sounds like it's a gift you received on the 3rd, and in its own way I'm sure there will be many more of those gifts that do emerge from the grief. Thank you again for being here, and please be sure to keep in touch.