My husband passed 2 months ago - cancer

Hi all- New here. I'm realizing that I need to reach out...or seek out.....others that can truly understand this club that no one wants to belong to. My husband's journey started 2 1/2 years ago and he passed on May 24, 2019. Some days, I'm ok.....some days, not. I seem to be in a stretch of days of the "not".

I'm not in denial and the anger has mostly subsided.....now, it's just the fact that I miss him. Our home is so lonely now. It's just me and our dog.....and I think he's grieving in his own way. We both just kind of exist.

As odd as it sounds, there are several things I am truly grateful for. One, I know he received excellent care throughout his illness. Both locally and at the Mayo Clinic (which is a phenomenal place). Also, once he was referred to hospice, I promised him that I would keep him home.....which I was able to do with the help of some amazing friends that I have. He did pass at home and he was kept comfortable and out of pain for the duration. When the time came, he passed very quietly with us (and the dog) with him, holding him. The hospice nurse and the funeral home gentlemen that came were all so very wonderful.

Bottom line is, I just miss him. The house is lonely and I just don't know how I will ever get used to that. My friends have been awesome throughout this nightmare but I also realize, they have lives to live, too.....I can't expect to have them there at my side every time I have a melt down - so most of the time, I don't reach out. I cry alone.

Peace to all,
LeeAnn

 

I lost my husband a month ago to cancer - diagnosed in May, he died in June. I live alone with 2 cats, and realize that this is the way it is now...that's hard to accept...my not so good days outnumber the good or ok days, and will for quite awhile I think...I'm just so sad, and I miss him so much...People are supportive, but there is a limit to how much grief they want to see, or feel - they want to hear that I'm doing well - so I just say "I'm ok", or now I'm saying "It's very different...." I walk about performing small tasks with tears pouring down my cheeks...in the beginning I would go into my yard and let it all out in primal screams - that has pretty well passed but I'm still caught in that terrible place at moments....All the well meaning reassurances don't mean much "this will pass", "he'll always be with you" and I'd rather they said nothing....And signs - "oh that's a sign he's still with you" or "that's one of his angels"....I know that I have to remember to be aware of what is around me. I am blessed to live rural, surrounded by nature's beauty and blessings....but rather than thinking the beauty I experience daily is a "sign", it just makes me feel more lonely because he's not here for me to share it with....I have a very long way to go I fear, before I can fully grasp and encompass this solitary existence...

 

My heart hurts for you.....for all of us. Horrible. Its interesting about the "signs" and such......I actually do believe that he has been sending me signs. My personal belief but there have been many instances since he's been gone. I agree, though, about the well-meaning assurances.....that, I could do without. Mostly those come from people outside my circle......the women in my tribe are the type to reply with "F*** yeah, this stinks!" when I have one of my moments They don't pour on all the old standard replies. They cry with me, hold my hand or just sit quietly while I tell and re-tell the memories that made up our life together.

I understand what you mean about not having your partner there to share in Nature's beauty.....or any other moment these days. Whether it be grand or mundane. But, personally, I feel him with me all the time and while it's tremendously sad that he isn't here physically anymore, I do believe he hasn't left. Whether that's true or just me being, well, me...lol.....I do find comfort in it.

Oh, I hope we can all find out ways thru this valley. Life is for living, after all. But, wow, it's tough.