My Husband did not come home

The love of my life, had surgery on a Monday, and died Thursday, Nov 8. Our kids, our doctor, nobody expected this, and it does not seem real.
I made all kinds of deals with God to wake him up, and that didn't work. My heart is broke, but I had so much to plan, and young adult children that I had to fake strong, so they wouldn't worry about me.
Its setting in now, and I am alone in my head. I want relief, I want to lose my mind in the wasted nonsense, like I wasted time before he died.
My regrets are hurting my heart, and I am trying to do everything he would of wanted.
He worked hard, and was easy to love. He never gave up, and instead of crying, or complaining, he fixed problems.
He made mistakes, but he did learn from them. He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me.

 

Melissa I am sorry for your loss.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time.
I know what you mean about the regrets hurting your heart!
Glad you found this site.

 

So sorry. I lost my husband suddenly also two months ago without warning. We were in the middle of an argument and I wasn’t with him when he died. I hear you about regrets. Be kind to yourself. We are all human.

 

One of my biggest regrets is I was not here when my husband passed away.
I was visiting our daughter. Day before I left I cried and told him I did not want to leave him that I felt funny about it. He just kept saying I need you to be with Michelle.
I honestly think he knew he was going to pass and did not want me to be the one who found him.
Night before he died he sent me an email saying that he was going out to dinner the next night with a friend of ours.
So the friend was the one who found him. Its two years and nine months and I still wonder if I could have done something to prevent his death had I been here.

 

Sorry for your loss!

 

Oh wow I find myself thinking similar things. “if I hadn’t spent the weekend at my parents, would he have died?” He died in his sleep, not wearing his CPAP, but he had also abused Xanax and pain meds, but he was at a hotel and no meds were in the room. He also had pneumonia the week before, so it’s still unclear the cause of death. The medical examiner report is not done. I have so many regrets. We were married ten years and have an 8 year old son.

 

Our story's are so similar its scary.
When he was found he had his CPAP mask on. He was on heavy pain pills and when I was around he did not mix alcohol with them. Police confiscated his pain pills and I never did get to see how many of them were missing....since the police "lost" them. When we were looking for papers to have him buried in National Cemetery my daughter unlocked a door to his desk and found bottles of alcohol I did not realize he had stashed.
They did not do an autopsy since the family doctor signed off on it stating that he also had a heart condition. I was always under the impression that if some died outside of a hosptial one had to be performed.

 

Apparently it depends on the medical examiner and the physician as to whether they do an autopsy. The medical examiner here wanted to say “sleep apnea death “ and call it a day, but his physician refused and they argued for an hour while I waited in a conference room with police. It was surreal.

 

That had to have been surreal! Sorry you had be put through that after losing you husband.
I hope the medical report comes in soon. I am glad his physician refused. Once you know the findings this will be bring some closer as far as the reason for your husbands death.

I still wonder what caused my husband's death and I will never find out.


Since I was not home they had to call my grandson(he is 31) to identify his body.
Even thou my one neighbor and friend who found him verified it was my husband.
They said they had to have a family member verify it was him.
This still makes me angry.