My hero.. my DAD gone suddenly and idk what to do

Hi, on March 29th 2020 my dad passed away. He dealt with severe insomnia and sleep apnea. The last 2 weeks of his life he was in a sleep deprived state of mind. So when he was finally sleeping I didn’t want to bother him because he needed his sleep so very badly. Well about 12-13 hours after he had been asleep (which was normal for him) and of course always checking on him because I knew he had bad sleep apnea. I was making dinner and figured it was time to go wake him up. Well when I went in there I noticed he had stuff coming out of his mouth and nose and at that point I screamed for my mom. My mom came in there and he had no pulse. I ran out to get the phone and called 911. My mom was then on the phone with the operator and said to start CPR and get him off of his bed, so I picked my dad up and put him on the floor. I started CPR but no response from my dad. I waited what seems like hours before the paramedics got there. They took over doing cpr for about 30 minutes. After no response they pronounced him. I lost it when they did that. I was laying on my dad balling my eyes out and begging to him that he would come back. It’s been almost 4 months and everyday to get outta bed is a struggle. I cry almost everyday and get panic attacks because I miss him so much. I was daddy’s little girl and did everything with him. I was glued to him because he was just so amazing and we would always joke around back and forth. He helped me get through my depression and without him here I’m really struggling. I would always just sit down next to my dad And we would just talk for hours, laughing, just having a good time. It hurts to live in a life without him here. Anybody else have the same situation? I really need some advice.

 

My heart goes out to you. I know that pain. I lost my mom at 21 from ovarian cancer, but her death was many years ago. Your father's death was very traumatic. Have you thought about counseling during this difficult transition? It is so hard losing a parent at any age, I also just lost my dad at the beginning of June. However, the death of my mother was a much more raw experience. What I can share from my experience is to find those connections that bring you peace. When I would drive anywhere, I would talk to her, I would listen to her favorite music, I would buy her favorite perfume...etc. And I cried and cried while doing those things, and that is okay. Those actions created a closeness to her that was settling. Your grief is still so new. Don't expect to match the progress in anyone else. Your heart will always yearn for your Dad. Peace to you today.