On November 20th, 2020 i woke up at around 3:22PM with a message on my phone and a missed call from someone I didn't know. The message was from my youngest sons then girlfriend. she told me that my oldest son was found dead that morning. I wasn't sure I read the message correctly and while trying to respond a call came in from my Step Mother. She informed me that my oldest child, Kevin, was found dead that morning by his girlfriend from a Heroine overdose. Ever since I got that message and phone call my world has been an emotional roller coaster. I can't sleep, I don't really want to eat and when I do its usually something that's not exactly good for me. I want to drink myself into oblivion but i realize that won't help me any. i want to be alone but then again I really don't. I don't want to interact with anyone except to pass time and to keep me from feeling this pain. I fully realize that avoidance isn't going to help me any but I can't bring myself to care. i wake up crying when I do finally manage to go to sleep and I wake up after being asleep for 2 hours. i finally had to ask my job for a few days off because i am constantly crying at work or bitching someone out. I need help .