My grandmother, father, and unborn child. 2018.

This is gunna be a book but I need someone besides family to turn too.

Fathers day of 2018 my grandmother went to the hospital because her insides were burning to find out that her cancer came back and worse then ever in her bones , we were told she had 2 to 6 months to live I had just found out I was pregnant with my first child and was so happy I would get to tell her at least before she passed and I did and she was so excited.. the next day when I came to visit she was unresponsive and hospice was involved at home. One short day later she passed away. I wasn't close with my grandmother like my other cousins but she is still my grandma. This tore my heart in half at her funeral watching my grandpa say goodbye to his soulmate.

On July 5th I was woke up to a knock at my door telling me my father suffered from a massive heart attack and my world shattered into a million pieces I wanted to hurt everyone who came into my sight that day because I couldn't understand why no one told me he was having chest pains and heartburn for 3 day I didn't understand why he didn't call one of his children to have us take him to the hospital and make sure he was okay. He was found 3 hours later blue in the face and there are so many details missing from this day that I cant put together and it runs through my mind daily. So angry with the fact that I will never receive and phone call, I wont get walked down to my future husband at my wedding and he'll never hold any of my children.

July 11th I went to my baby appointment to find out that my child stopped growing at 6 weeks and one day and I was supposed to be 9 weeks along this day my world crashed and burned and today July 16th I went to get my D&C and I just feel hopeless like the world is out to get me. Keeping faith in these dark times is so hard and I'm trying so hard but how do you cope when everything keeps getting destroyed .

 

I am sorry to hear about the multiple losses in your life. I hope connecting with others on this site, or just sharing your story, will help.

 

Smelch96, I’m so sorry. I know your heart is broken. One loss is hard enough to face, but multiple losses one after another.. that’s downright brutal. I’ve been where you’re at, and I know it’s not an easy place to be.

I have no living grandparents left, even though I was very blessed to start life with both paternal sets, one great grandma, a step grandma, and an honorary grandma (maternal grandma’s lifelong best friend since 1st grade). Grandparents are some truly special people.

I went through a period of multiple losses very close together at the end of 2015. My father died very suddenly in November that year. Just over a month later, on New Years Eve, my husband and I had to take our dog to the vet to be put to sleep. We got back from that, and within a couple of hours my phone rings. It was my mom and she was telling me something that even to this day just doesn’t quite make sense to me: my beautiful sister was gone at only 40 years old. My husband lost his grandpa 10 days later. I knew him, but wasn’t close.. but I hurt so bad for my husband, on top of my own pile up of grief.

Losing my father very suddenly was a shock, and I did struggle with it at first. For me it’s different though because he and I didn’t have a relationship, and I barely knew him. So my grief there was for the loss of a parental figure, and not specifically for him (I hadn’t seen him in many years). The loss of my sister I still struggle with hugely. I also had a missed miscarriage in January of 2017. My situation sounds very similar to yours.. baby stopped growing at 6 wks and I believed everything was fine until I should have been newly 10 wks. I was absolutely devastated. I had just survived my sisters 1 yr angel date and her birthday was coming right up (end of January). I was just trying to get through and catch my breath from one heck of a painful yr. I was trying to convince myself that 2017 would be better, and was excited about our baby. And then I lost the baby too.

Oh man, my replies can get pretty long! I wish I had some magic and healing words for you. I know what it’s like to feel like your world has plunged into darkness. I’ve been there, and the thing with grief is that sometimes we fall back into the darkness.. when we think of our loved ones and then feel the enormity of their loss all over again at times. Life will start to feel a little better for you though, and you will even have good days again. I think sometimes we do have to fight for those good days, at least I do at times. I’m learning through all of this that I have to find a balance.. a balance of where I’m busy and I distract myself from the grief.. and of course a balance where I allow myself to grieve. That ones been really tough for me; getting that balance just right. Gosh, I’m sorry that my reply is so long! I saw your post and could really feel what you’re going through. I wanted to reach out and let you know that you’re not alone. ~Hugs~ to you.

 

*I meant to say both paternal and maternal grandparent sets. I’m tired, so typos happen!

 

you're reply is just what I've needed . My dad and I didn't have much of a relationship the last 5 years and one day he called and asked if he could move in with me and he lived with me for almost a year and we all moved out of my house and went to different places and I got my relationship back with him and am so grateful for it but it hurts that he's gone now after getting that back with him and I'm just trying to cope. Thank you for answering to my post ! I appreciate it so much !

 

So sorry for your losses, take heart Pray for Gods peace at this trying period

 

Hi there again. I’m glad that I was able to give you a little bit of comfort. I will say that with my own situation being so very much different with my own father, I do have difficulty relating to the loss of a father specifically. It’s a long story, and not a pretty one, so I’d rather not go into the details. With that being said; I do understand what it is to grieve deeply for the loss of loved ones though.. others in my life that I did have good close relationships with.

Grief is such an individual thing. What soothes and comforts one person may or may not bring comfort to another person. I think that the worst thing we can do is to run from grief. I try to do it at times, and it doesn’t work. As much as it hurts to truly face it at times, I believe it’s necessary. Again, for me it’s that balance thing.. facing and acknowledging my grief, but not letting it crush me. I’m having trouble finding the right words here. Its like you take your grief out at times and you sit with it, you allow yourself to feel it. But you don’t allow the grief to sit on you. Is this making sense to you? My brain is always active, turning thoughts and ideas over.. but I do struggle at times to find the best way to put my thoughts into words!

Right after I lost my sister, I remember feeling so very bothered with the way that life just seemed to go on so normally for everyone else (aside from close family also grieving for her). My life was forever changed in the worst possible way. But all other people were completely unaffected, didn’t even flinch. That’s rough, and I know that I can’t be the only one who has ever felt that way after a loss. I have had the hardest time with finding good, safe spots to let my feelings out. People that truly get it are very few and far between. The ones that don’t place a ridiculous time limit on grief. The ones that don’t say the weird stuff that is supposedly going to bring comfort, but only serves to brush off and invalidate a grieving person’s feelings. The ones that are willing to simply listen, because we all know how powerful that is.

Look for those rare people, and allow them to be there for you. Look for the things that bring you comfort when the feelings of grief are overwhelming. I don’t have many people in real life that I can truly open up to. So I’ve had to get creative and find the comfy people in other places.. Facebook has grief support groups, and the people are amazing. Places like this forum where you can find others to talk to, again, amazing. Or maybe you like to write, and writing a letter to your dad would help you. I hope it doesn’t sound bonkers, but I talk to my sister at times. It helps me. I’ve also always enjoyed quotes, and so I started a board on Pinterest where I add quotes and stuff relating to my sister and the loss of her. I got a tattoo for her almost a year ago. I know tattoos aren’t for everyone, but for me it was definitely worth it. I love that her name is permanently on my skin, along with a favorite quote.

I hope you are well today. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, whether on the forum or through message. I understand that sometimes just talking and letting some of the feelings out is a big help.