Good evening everyone. I’m new. I lost my dad last month. They said it was a heart attack but I looked on his death certificate and it said chronic alcohol use disorder. I was angry and sad when I saw that. I couldn’t believe that would take his life. It turned out it blocked 75% of his arteries and caused his heart to stop. It’s so scary. He battled substance use a lot of his life. It started with just beer and went to vodka. He cheated on my mom when I was young and they divorced when I was 6. Then I saw him only holidays and when he felt like showing up. When he stopped drinking he did great things like work hard on a boat and help others who had disabilities. He took care of his sister who was disabled her whole life. He cared so much but when he drank he got emotional and would hit on my friends or say the same thing over and over again. I tried to get him to go to the doctor for a while but he always said he could take care of himself. I’m angry because well he didn’t take care of himself. I’m also angry at this healthcare system. In NY he was in the hospital with kidney damage and liver issues and when they fixed him up there was a psych evaluation but he was deemed competent to make his own decisions and this was in January. Then he came out and continue drinking and I hardly heard from him or if I did he was always sick. He called me on my mom’s bday May 25 and spoke to me and said he wanted to ask my mom for help so I gave her number to him and she was going to meet up with him two weeks from then for lunch. It never happened and then in June 17th I got the call from his ex girlfriend that he had passed away. I started crying and couldn’t stop and texted my therapists and friends. I was lucky to have my friend by my side that night but now as I write this it doesn’t get any easier. I miss him so much! I just want to cry but it’s hard for me to do so. Thank you for listening.