My Dad is Dying... I don't know how to cope

Creative629 · Aug 3, 2018

I am so completely devastated and shattered to pieces. My Dad is dying and will be gone within a couple of days. He is my world and my best friend. He is my go-to, the one person I can always count on to understand and comfort me, or just give me the best advice. We've been extremely close throughout my entire life, I don't know how to exist and be happy in a world where he doesn't exist. He has struggled with long term illness that has advanced and is now taking his life. I always knew this would be a reality but I never planned for it this soon. I guess we always thing we have more time than we do. It's hard to imagine ever healing from this loss, he is my world. I'm currently engaged and the wedding is only a couple of months away. Unfortunately, he will be gone by then. I can't help but think about all of the things he will miss, like holding my children. I'm so broken hearted I cannot focus on my schoolwork or anything other than losing him. I don't know how I will ever move forward even though this is a harsh reality of life. I have no regrets about my relationship or time with him, just that there's not more of it. Any advice, help, or good thoughts, vibes, or prayers are appreciated.

griefic · Aug 3, 2018

Creative629, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so painful to watch someone we love slip away. I always say that our parents are our first loves and it sounds like your relationship with your Dad has been especially close. Of course there is no good time or good way to lose someone we love. If given the choice we would keep those we love in our lives forever. So how are we supposed to handle adjusting to life without someone who we would want to always have in it? I suppose for most people that is the great challenge of grief. Not just the void that is left in a loved one's absence, but the adjustment to an unfamiliar life. You have never known how to be in this world without your Dad in it. And that's okay, there is no way for you to know. So recognizing in the coming days and months that this is unchartered territory, that you are a student of this grief and you will be learning how to go through your days without any practice or manual for how it's supposed to go. All I can tell you is that people do it, and you will find your way. And when things are feeling especially hard remember the strong foundation that your father has built for you in this life, and use that to get yourself through another day. It may be very far off, but I can tell you that people do get through these very big losses. They DON'T get "over" them, but they do learn how to live a meaningful life and I find people who are most "successful" (that being subjective, of course) find the balance of moving ahead while bringing the love and the memories of their loved one with them. Finally, for those who have lost a parent that I've spoken to - in the end, when they are struggling, the biggest motivator can be simply trying to live the life they know their parent would want for them. With meaning, and with joy. I promise you that it can be found at some point in this journey, as long as you keep your eyes open for it.
I'm glad you are here with us, and I hope you'll continue to seek support in the days ahead. Wishing peace to you and your Dad~

Creative629 · Aug 12, 2018

griefic said: ↑

Creative629, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is so painful to watch someone we love slip away. I always say that our parents are our first loves and it sounds like your relationship with your Dad has been especially close. Of course there is no good time or good way to lose someone we love. If given the choice we would keep those we love in our lives forever. So how are we supposed to handle adjusting to life without someone who we would want to always have in it? I suppose for most people that is the great challenge of grief. Not just the void that is left in a loved one's absence, but the adjustment to an unfamiliar life. You have never known how to be in this world without your Dad in it. And that's okay, there is no way for you to know. So recognizing in the coming days and months that this is unchartered territory, that you are a student of this grief and you will be learning how to go through your days without any practice or manual for how it's supposed to go. All I can tell you is that people do it, and you will find your way. And when things are feeling especially hard remember the strong foundation that your father has built for you in this life, and use that to get yourself through another day. It may be very far off, but I can tell you that people do get through these very big losses. They DON'T get "over" them, but they do learn how to live a meaningful life and I find people who are most "successful" (that being subjective, of course) find the balance of moving ahead while bringing the love and the memories of their loved one with them. Finally, for those who have lost a parent that I've spoken to - in the end, when they are struggling, the biggest motivator can be simply trying to live the life they know their parent would want for them. With meaning, and with joy. I promise you that it can be found at some point in this journey, as long as you keep your eyes open for it.
I'm glad you are here with us, and I hope you'll continue to seek support in the days ahead. Wishing peace to you and your Dad~
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Thank you, this response means more than you know. He passed away two days after I wrote this and it's been a week ago today that I lost him. I will never know how to be without him. I can only live to make him proud the best way I know how. I am forever heartbroken. Thank you for your kind words.

My Dad is Dying... I don't know how to cope

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