My brother passed away when he was 17...

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by mandylee1212, May 12, 2020.

  1. mandylee1212

    mandylee1212 New Member

    The last memory I had of my brother alive was the day before he had his seizure, that resulted in his death. It was mother’s day in 2016 and we were watching the office, Jackson and I. He wanted help filling out his graduation announcements and I remember how lovely that moment was. We were laughing and reminiscing about life. The strange thing is, I thought to myself how nice it was to be able to get closer to my brother as a friend as we had gotten older. In that moment I imagined us down the road with our own families and I imagined how nice it would be to always have him in my life. The next couple days changed my life and many others who knew Jackson. Even to this day I get a deep painful heaviness on his anniversary (which is today), it’s hard to validate this grief. Through four years I have learned so much but it’s so hard to still grieve and have it feel valid. I struggle to know if I feel the pain will I seem like I’m looking for attention. It’s hard to feel the loss for Jackson when I feel like everything tells me it’s less important than others. I’m still battling my anxiety which resulted from everything but i’ve gotten better at trying to be my best self. I am very hopeful now. My brother was robbed of his future but the life he did live left a major impact on this world for the better. He is my inspiration and the person I’ve always looked up to. It’s hard to now be older than my older brother once was. As I sit here reflecting, after four years since his death on May 11 2016, I am reminded by how much the power of love can teach us. I wanted to share this as a reminder for all those, to cherish all they have with those they love today, and remember how important it is to communicate that. Rest in paradise Jax, and for those out there in pain. I believe in you and you have a purpose and deserve to feel peace. Love to all in need of healing❤️
    (this video talks about my healing process, Id appreciate it if you gave it a watch:)
     
    Raindrop279 and dyosuico like this.
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Mandy,

    Beautiful video you made. It told the story and the love of your brother so well. I watched it on YouTube.com and made sure to give a like to it as well.

    His passing so young was so tragic, but your remembrance of him was just as poignant. I know it is never easy a short path, this broken road of grief we all walk after loss. As we meet others, we might hear their stories that touch our hearts. Those moments help propel us onward and looking for others who share our sorrow with.

    It is never easy to open your heart to strangers. To tell them how broken you feel, or how sad your days have been. It takes courage to do that and lets others know how you feel. If you have time, look through the forums and read some of the stories others have shared. They are heartful and full of sadness, but also so filled with a fondness for the one(s) they lost.

    Let me share just one of my stories with you of my wife Nadine of 42 years who died from cancer. This will be a video of her, made by her last surviving sister Linda. Before Nadine passed her two brothers and one sister had preceded her in death) I was married to Nadine at the time and was with her each time she received the call. The third and final death was the one that truly crushed her inside. Those days were very tough, not just for her, but our two sons, and Nadine's remaining family to come to terms with.

    Please press the button under my wife's picture titled Play Tribute Movie
    https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/auburn-me/nadine-hughes-6409908

    The one photo with them altogether, her parents and all her siblings, and their niece Lisa. Nadine's face is just cut off a bit on the front right. Their mother had just received her degree for teaching.

    Photos and videos will be us for a lifetime. Take care of yourself, and reach out to us here any time you wish.

    -david

    This is a special song just for you today Mandy

     
  3. dyosuico

    dyosuico New Member

    Hey, thank you so much for sharing. Your post helped me last week because I didn't feel so alone. I watched your video too <3

    My older sister died 2 years ago, and it has rocked my world like no other, and I haven't stopped reeling. I think every day about her, and so do my parents. Even when it's not directly related to her, I think about how different my life has been, how keenly aware I am of the cruelty of life, the prison of our minds and bodies and society. Despite that, I have to stay alive, because I know just how much death hurts. It's hard to let go of the pain, when it hits me like a train every couple weeks.

    I relate so hard about feeling like my struggle is still valid. I know I am in a young stage of grieving. I don't *need* to be better now. But for some reason, I think that I should already be used to this new reality. I am in a sense, but it's hard to articulate how difficult it is to navigate my life when I feel like new pitfalls of pain and sadness are constantly bringing me under.

    I'm 22 now. In 4 months I will be as old as my sister was when she passed. I took a break from college again in December to spend time at home with my family. It is so much better being home, where we can hug each other every day, talk about our feelings, and just sit in our grief together. A lot of the time, it fucking sucks. But the fact that we're all experiencing it together makes a world of difference. I still feel lonely often. Celine was my first best friend, my other half, and to lose her is to lose a huge chunk of my person. I reflect on the meaning of life all the time, I'm sure you do as well. I have great habits and coping mechanisms, great support, and yet I regularly find myself looking at the world as if it is bleak and grey, devoid of purpose. Acceptance goes a long way, but it can't make reality suck any less.

    I've changed so much as a person. I take more chances (assuming they're unlikely to kill me), I listen more carefully, and I say what I think and feel more often, knowing that life is too short to avoid sharing myself just because it might be embarrassing or awkward. I prioritize my family above almost everything else. There is almost no conversation I haven't had with my mom at this point, we've literally talked about the most intimate details of my personal life. For me, I have to maintain the deep connections I have. I try to be as honest about myself and my feelings, while still leaving space for my friends to share their struggles, because if I can't be bluntly honest about myself with you, then our connection will always be limited.

    I loved in your video, where you talked about the distant dream of the past, the hurt that remains, just as strong. The cliches that actually make sense now, even if they don't leave much room for nuance. I try my best to bring light into the world. I think it is one of my greatest gifts. It energizes me, makes me smile and laugh, and allows me to cherish moments. The darkness overshadows me often, but I have weathered the storms many times, the endless onslaught, learning to trust that the sun will come out again and shine on me.