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My best friend went missing, most likely drowned

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Emily Brown, Mar 4, 2019.

  1. Emily Brown

    Emily Brown New Member

    On November 13 2018 my best friend in the entire world went fishing. His boat washed up on shore the next day near his car. We haven't heard anything since. Police say he most likely drowned. They have stopped looking for him because the cold temperatures are preventing divers from going in to the water.
    I have no idea how to even begin to process this. My grandpa died when I was six years old, other than that I have never lost anyone close to me.
    Alex was my person. We met when we were 16 in the 10th grade. He has consistently been the one person who has never failed me. He helped me get sober. He helped me stay sober. He held me after my abusive boyfriend beat me up. He bought me new art supplies when i was running low. He was my non-romantic husband. I love him with every ounce of my being. He was more my brother than my biological brother is.
    I have intense and vivid dreams every night of me being in the water. I'm swimming so hard and he is screaming and screaming and I can never reach him. He dies in front of me every single night. Then I wake up and go to text him like I did every single morning for the last 15 years, and I remember. And I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue without him.
    I don't want to exist in a world where he doesn't. He was the best person I've ever known. I don't know how to deal. Please. Help me.
     
    TracyLynn likes this.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Emily, I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no good time or way to lose someone we love, but a sudden loss like this and one that leaves so many questions makes it especially hard. Everything you're experiencing is very "normal" in grief, even if it is not normal for you. After loss we are left wondering, how can I go on? The answer is different for everyone but I guess on the other end of it, anyone who has experienced anything like this would say, "you just do". With good support and care you can move forward, one step at a time. Time is not the perfect healer, but I say for most, time is what ultimately provides the opportunity to adapt and adjust. Sometimes that's the best we can hope for. You will always miss him, always wish he was here, and always wish that this never happened. That doesn't have to change in order to heal. Take the time you need - cry and scream and ache for him. That is what you need right now and it may be like that for awhile. Try to find support. Talk to those who knew him and loved him. Say his name, share his memory, and take it one moment at a time.
    We are here to help and I hope we can provide some support to you. Wishing you hope and healing in the days ahead~
     
    Jessegees and TracyLynn like this.
  3. TracyLynn

    TracyLynn New Member

    I completely understand every single word you wrote. My very best friend was my everything. He believed in me. He thought I was the most wonderful person on earth and knew all of my imperfections and loved me regardless and probably even more so bc of them. He told me often that I was his whole world, and I hope I let him know just how very much he was adored by me and my love was and is unconditional and never ending. Thank you for sharing your loss. I am so sorry you’re going through this.
     
  4. TracyLynn

    TracyLynn New Member

    This actually really helped me as well. Thank you so much for these words.
     
    griefic likes this.
  5. Jean127

    Jean127 New Member

    Emily, please reach out here but also locally to a grief counselor if you continue feeling so overwhelmed. Everyone handles this differently but seeing at grief counselor at a local church is really helping my daughter. In the last two years I have lost a dear friend, my mom and my husband and I know its hard, its weird and its painful. I miss them all and in many ways it still doesn't seem real, prayer and a close friend have really helped me but each person and each relationship is different so I think we need different things to heal and move forward. Its been a year since my last lost and I am just starting to take a few steps forward to occupy my time and my mind on something positive and to help others.
     
  6. Jessegees

    Jessegees New Member

    Oh Emily you must be so overwhelmed, confused, lost.. heart broken. No words will suffice to relieve you of such agony but sometimes knowing that you're not alone can lift the pressure off your heart just a tiny bit, and that tiniest bit often makes all the difference we need to keep on breathing that day. Im here to tell you as a stranger with a similar immeasurable heartache, that you are not alone. The pain is incomparable to any other but some day you'll find you'll be getting by each day for your best friend. He'll guide you and give you the strength you need to continue on, and when you don't feel his guiding hand, you'll find it somewhere amongst the stars, the sun or the random butterfly that fly's by you while you're thinking of him. Its been 10 months since Ive lost my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life and time feels like it never stopped, it only continued on without me. On days like today when I feel so lost, I look for help and stumble upon angels like this community that makes me feel a little less lost knowing that my pain is shared. As someone who's been dealing with the roller coaster of grief just a little longer than you have, I say don't stop yourself from talking about him, don't ignore the reminiscing you want to do or the tears you want to release. Write to him, sing to him, dance for him, do it all in the name of him but try to heal.. If he loved you and looked out for you in all the ways you described it is because you must be a beautiful person, worthy of all the love he gave you. Don't ever forget it and keep on shining. You can do it, and I know so can I. Love, light and healing, for all of us in search of it <3