My best friend and love of my

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Wolfgirl, Nov 16, 2018.

  1. Wolfgirl

    Wolfgirl Member

    I have read some of whats been written by others, cried for the losses while I read; when do the tears stop. Jack died Oct last year after a terrible and long fight with cancer in surrounding his brain and in his nasal cavity and so many other places. I remember sitting in a room in ICU back Dec 28, 2011 and Dr Lanza said Jack had probably 6 months. I knew better cause Jack would fight every day which he did. On our anniversary Dec 2016 he told me that would be his last. I stared at him dumbfounded and he gave me a hug and a Jack smile and went on with the day. We went on vacation in July 2017, we use to camp but with Jack getting sicker we took to renting a cabin. He looked at me as he went to take a nap and said that this would be our last vacation. While he slept I took the dogs for a walk. The beginning of October while sitting together Jack told me it wouldn’t be much longer. Hospice was now coming to help with Jack although I was very disappointed in the home care portion I was glad that they could visit. One of the nurses Jack really liked was there and i walked her out to her car, which Jack usually insisted on doing himself, and I told her what he had said. She looked at me and said that he would be the one to know. I got called while at work that there had been law enforcement to my house cause my dogs were out running loose. When I walked in I realized that Jacks time was coming to an end. I was so very scared not hust for me but for him. The day we went into the hospice facility was the scariest day of my life. Jack went to sleep and except for moving around while sleeping which i am guessing was pain since hospice would give him a shot he never opened his eyes again. By the time he died the cancer had caused him to go blind by growing on the back of his eyes but i so wanted to see his eyes one last time. He sied Oct 14, 2017 at 0130 in the morning while i held his hand and had my head down on our hands.
    I do not know how to grieve. I don’t believe there is any set way to do it. For a while I only woke to take my dogs out and work and that is what i did for just about a year. I now move around a little better but being around people is nothing i am interested in doing so i still do things alone or with my dogs. I don’t know when i will be ready to move on. I can tell you there aren’t any books that can answer the question of how long will i cry and feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I do know i am getting a little more active.
     
  2. Wolfgirl

    Wolfgirl Member

    PS.
    I don’t really expect anyone to read much less write on this. I just needed to tell someone and this aeemed like a good way to do it. Thanks
     
  3. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Wolfgirl, I am so very sorry for your loss. You're right, there is no manual for this, no guide to tell us what we should do or how to feel better. The experience is so uniquely different for everyone, there's no doubt about that. Here's what I do know. Grief lasts so much longer than we think it will. The acute, stabbing pain of grief is always with us in some ways, and we can feel it any time there is a trigger or reminder of the loss. Time is deceptive in grief. We think as more time goes by the better we'll get, but that's not necessarily true either. I think the beginning is filled with numbness and then as that fades, the reality sets in. This seems to be just about the time where work expects us to be productive again and those around us assume that we'll be getting better. But as reality sets in the real challenge begins because every day and every moment and everywhere we look there are reminders of this great loss. Getting better doesn't mean getting over it. For some it means the time that has passed has allowed for a little adjustment, and a little time to learn how to live this life without a loved one in it. Doesn't mean we're okay, or we're over it, but maybe it means we have adapted, even just a little bit. Nothing can change what has happened but for most of the grievers I've worked with I know connection with those who understand can help. Sometimes just a little validation that what you're feeling and thinking and experiencing is "normal" can go a long way. I hope we can provide that for you here. Our forums are filled with other grievers that understand, and our blog has a huge catalog of articles all related to grief and loss. I encourage you to explore that here: https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/.
    Remember we're here to help, so if you have any specific questions about the site or anything you'd like to discuss further, just let us know. Take care~
     
  4. Jers

    Jers Member

    I've only been at this for 2 months
     
  5. Jers

    Jers Member

    I've only been at this for 2 months, so i don't have alot of advise. Never went thru anything like this before. I've started attending a support group, folks that are grieving also. Its good to be around folks that can share how they walked this path so far in their journey. Its not a cure, but it kinda helps. You might want to try it. God's Blessings
     
    Wolfgirl likes this.
  6. Wolfgirl

    Wolfgirl Member

    Thank you. I am looking for a group. I am new to the area and don’t really have my feet firmly planted yet.
     
  7. Jers

    Jers Member

    please stay in touch, let me know how your doing. Perhaps we can help each other a little.
     
  8. Wolfgirl

    Wolfgirl Member

    Its been a year and 2 months and they don’t stop. Our wedding anniversay is coming up in a couple of days and it seems like its just as fresh so the tears start all over. I probably could have stock or own the kleenex company by now. I can’t say when the tears will slow down cause its still too fresh for me. You will eventually find ypur own pace. Don’t let anyone rush you or tell you its time to get over it cause those have never felt your loss.
     
    Shalee likes this.
  9. Wolfgirl

    Wolfgirl Member

    I have not a clue on how to answer that but I am sure you will find what is right for you-possibly a friend with benefits.
     
  10. Jers

    Jers Member

    If someone has an answer for Shalee question let me know. I've been dealing with this since my wife died 3 months ago. It's not just the act, but the person with whom your involved with that makes it special. Now she's gone. I think maybe time is the only answer, because i can't find any other. Just know your not alone, that's there's others asking the same question.
     
  11. Jers

    Jers Member

    Hope you can find peace with your lost, and move on, i'm still working on that, the Holidays don't help. Not sure one can replace a love one i'm not looking to do that, but we should be able to find new friends and companions that can walk with us as we continue our lives. Not sure that makes any sense to you, but i don't think God met for anyone to be alone. good luck
     
  12. Wolfgirl

    Wolfgirl Member

    Your right. No one can replace the love you have for that special someone. Remember they are there every step of the way as long as you keep thwm in your heart. If you meet someone take the person for who they are and try to not compare even though it maybe hard at first. Don’t rush anything one day at time.