I have read some of whats been written by others, cried for the losses while I read; when do the tears stop. Jack died Oct last year after a terrible and long fight with cancer in surrounding his brain and in his nasal cavity and so many other places. I remember sitting in a room in ICU back Dec 28, 2011 and Dr Lanza said Jack had probably 6 months. I knew better cause Jack would fight every day which he did. On our anniversary Dec 2016 he told me that would be his last. I stared at him dumbfounded and he gave me a hug and a Jack smile and went on with the day. We went on vacation in July 2017, we use to camp but with Jack getting sicker we took to renting a cabin. He looked at me as he went to take a nap and said that this would be our last vacation. While he slept I took the dogs for a walk. The beginning of October while sitting together Jack told me it wouldn’t be much longer. Hospice was now coming to help with Jack although I was very disappointed in the home care portion I was glad that they could visit. One of the nurses Jack really liked was there and i walked her out to her car, which Jack usually insisted on doing himself, and I told her what he had said. She looked at me and said that he would be the one to know. I got called while at work that there had been law enforcement to my house cause my dogs were out running loose. When I walked in I realized that Jacks time was coming to an end. I was so very scared not hust for me but for him. The day we went into the hospice facility was the scariest day of my life. Jack went to sleep and except for moving around while sleeping which i am guessing was pain since hospice would give him a shot he never opened his eyes again. By the time he died the cancer had caused him to go blind by growing on the back of his eyes but i so wanted to see his eyes one last time. He sied Oct 14, 2017 at 0130 in the morning while i held his hand and had my head down on our hands. I do not know how to grieve. I don’t believe there is any set way to do it. For a while I only woke to take my dogs out and work and that is what i did for just about a year. I now move around a little better but being around people is nothing i am interested in doing so i still do things alone or with my dogs. I don’t know when i will be ready to move on. I can tell you there aren’t any books that can answer the question of how long will i cry and feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I do know i am getting a little more active.