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My baby Dan

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by Plainjane, Mar 18, 2021.

  1. Plainjane

    Plainjane New Member

    My Dan died 3 weeks ago from an accidental overdose. He was 29 years old. I will never forget what he looked like when I found him passed away. He looked like an angel sleeping. He suffered for years with addiction, and people say he's at peace now, and maybe he is and I'm just being selfish but I wud do anything to have him back. I have to text by voice, because I can't see the letters through my tears. I've never really known what heartbreak was until now I don't think. My heart physically hurts. I am consumed with the guilt that I should have been able to save him. Moms are supposed to be able to protect their babies. I know my life will never be the same without him. I cry all the time. Everything reminds me of him. Why does God take our babies? No one should have to suffer through this.
     
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    We wish we would have been able to save them and try to go back and see where we failed. But it is just a vain attempt to try to bring them back. It is the drugs that took you dear Dan. God never intended for you to be separated from him. He put mankind in a garden of Eden where everything was perfect and there would have never been any death-but man chose to reject God's advice and we are suffering the consequences of it. It is possible you will be able to see your son again in the future. I know-this is no comfort now. You are a different person now and your life will be different than it was. Be good to yourself, be patient with yourself, and take good care of yourself. You have been through a shocking tragedy and you need to be treated with kindness and understanding, especially by yourself. We are here for you. Chris
     
  3. Plainjane

    Plainjane New Member

    Thank you!!!
     
  4. NanT

    NanT New Member

     
  5. NanT

    NanT New Member

    Dear Jane,
    I lost my son, Dan in April 19th- he was away from his family in Denver living with his girlfriend. He was planning on coming back East this summer to show her Maine where we used to go... but his chest hurt then his heart stopped. We are waiting for the results of the autopsy. He had suffered from blood clots so we think it was related to that. I have lost another son in 2004, my husband in 2007 and son-in-law in 2010. My sister just died in November, so I am about as grief stricken as a person can be. It does hurt physically- and I am in a fog.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  6. I’m sorry you are suffering so much. The “what ifs” or bargaining (as it’s called) can create so many regrets and guilt in us. Please be kind to yourself. Try to get some help for your guilt and try to realise that you did the best you could. If you could have saved Dan of course you would have. It is not your fault. And it’s natural to want him back. Don’t feel bad about that.

    My son James, 23, died at home by suicide. If I could have saved him I would have. But my guilt cannot bring him back and I had to let the guilt go. The longer you hold onto it the longer it will cause pain. The guilt has no value now. Think about what a kind friend would say to you if you told them about the things you feel guilty about. Show that kindness to yourself.

    best wishes
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  7. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    God bless. We lost our son at home in the same manner.
     
  8. deelynne

    deelynne New Member

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son three weeks ago also. He was and always will be 40. I don't really believe it and am still waiting for his messages on Facebook. I beg to be able to change places with him. You are in my prayers.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  9. deelynne

    deelynne New Member

    I can't even try to understand your grief. You have been through so much. You must be a strong person and have faith. I am here if you want to talk. I lost my son and know the pain and hurt will never go away. We can only help each other survive one more day.
     
  10. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I was waiting for my son to pull in the driveway. Took a walk on a trail and expected to see him there. It is so hard to let go and face the fact that we won't see them again during this age-waiting to see him when I go to join him someday. Prayer and God are the only way to get through this nightmare.
    Chris