My 15yr old son committed suicide and I'm having a hard time with guilt

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Skysmom, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. Skysmom

    Skysmom New Member

    My 15yr old son committed suicide on the 8th of June 2019 and tomorrow marks 1 month since he died. I seen him at 430 and by 750 he was dead. I was the one who found him and since he hung himself I had to cut him down. I'm forever haunted by those memories what he looked like. I don't know how to live cuz my life was so much about him. My doctor prescribed meds to help with sleep but they don't work 100%. Even when I'm with people I feel aĺone! I'm in soo much pain! How do I get through tomorrow and days to follow?
     
  2. I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter committed suicide June 6th 2019. She shot herself in the head.I understand what you are going through.The pain is unbearable everyday. Everyone says it will get better with time. Right now I cant imagine that happening. I also feel alone and lost. I am praying that we as mothers may learn to live with the tragic circumstances we have been handed.Maybe by sharing out stories we can help each other to heal.
     
  3. Pamela Zavala

    Pamela Zavala New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences to you and your family, my teenage brother who was also 15 took his life just like your son a month tomorrow, i know exactly how u feel and just by writing this to you brought tears to my eyes, idk what else to say but I'm with you in your pain...
     
  4. Kbrt

    Kbrt New Member

    My sincere and sorrowful condolences. My 16 year old boy, Matt - hanged himself 3/29/18. We had no idea he was depressed - and suicide was never on my radar. He was great! Happy! Friends! Good Grades! Social! Yeah, wow. I live every day in shock and horror b/c I found him and I also cut him down. All I can tell you is that - I still cry about him every day - and I always will. I just. Get up every day. And try to keep busy. And somehow, someday, hope to find me again. Thought everything was great. Still so shocked. And thinking - he KNEW - I would be the one to find him. Why? Why? This is my biggest horror and the reason I continue to see a counselor. As far as your PTSD. You have it - because you found him and sh**t cut him down. It's just awful I have learned multitude of strategies - and It is not perfect and it does not work all the time. But I care. And I get it. And I am so sorry. Reach out to me any time.
     
  5. Joyce Weckerling

    Joyce Weckerling New Member

    I am so sorry for loss. I have lost 2 sons to suicide!! The first was July 2015 and Feb. 2020. I am living in hell right now. I feel so guilty. My boys were so sweet and kind. I am so glad I didn’t find him. He was missing 5 days. On the 5th day he was found. I don’t know how to begin to get over this!! I pray for peace for you and all the people on here!
     
  6. Lindyk

    Lindyk New Member

     
  7. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Skysmom,

    I wish I could take your pain away. Loss is never easy to face, and some losses we will never be able to understand. When our family was gathered at the kitchen table when I was a young child, the phone rang, dad answered it, he was a hulking man.

    We could hear him on the phone, but when he came back he sat down with a solemn look on his face. He told us his brother had just hung himself. Both dad and his brother were ww2 vets.

    We all found it hard to believe, as uncle Jimmy and his wife aunt Charlotte would always come to our house on the weekends and play cards. Aunt Charlotte had died the day before.

    Grief is awful, dad would not show it, would not talk about it, but the rest of us would cry and ask why. I used to love watching all of them play cards. I would stand and watch them. It was so funny they would each say they were cheating giving each other signals.

    When I would leave the room and sit in the other room, I could hear them laughing. It was always a wonderful time when they came over. I missed them both.

    Skysmom, I am sorry for your tragic loss. Your grief will be hard to face. You might even find yourself asking why so many days. Sadly, whatever answers you receive will never be enough.

    This pain you are crippled with is strong. It is unforgiven. But you need help to overcome it.

    Reach out to your family and friends if available. Don’t be afraid to open up and let them know how badly you feel.

    Losing the one who we brought into this world is so horrible there are never enough of the right words. Your emotions need to be slowly lessened so the pain is not so severe.

    Speaking with others helps. Opening up is even better. There is no perfect way to overcome loss, it takes time. Talking with others will help you.

    Try talking about things you loved so much about your son. I hope you will keep connecting, and never give in to despair. For now I hope you will find some peace.

    We will be here, and we will listen. Take care.

    -david

    This is a melody with no words for you.


     
  8. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    This is a song for all those in this thread.

     
  9. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Shattered Heart,

    My heart goes to you in this time of need. Losing someone special is always so hard to accept.

    I know my family went through a suicide loss. You are never really sure if you will ever find the answers.

    Yes, we all find it hard to move beyond. As I grew up this loss was and still is a mystery. It is one my family will truly never know why.

    This pain that has you in its grip can be so unbearable. Sadly we will always have this memory. So we just need to find a way to help ourselves. We will cry, our tears will be of love, of loss, of remorse, and one of why.

    The emotions you hold inside can be smothering, crushing and so hard to face and overcome. We each are only human, capable of so much in life, but when we experience the loss of someone who is special to us we need to find a way to cope with this loss.

    You are never alone. You have found a site with others who have seen loss through many lenses of life. How we each move beyond this loss is one we all need to come to terms with.

    Those special memories of you daughter will always be with you. Think of that joyous day when she was born. Those days as she grew. The day she said her first words. The day she took her first step.

    We each hold special memories that will always be with us all. They are ours to keep for the rest of our lives.

    Please never give in to despair. So many of us are here, and heal together. Grief is real, it holds us back in life, so we just need to open those wounds and share them. As we talk, the pain can be lesser as time passes.

    Just remember you are among others who hear your cries, your pain, and so I say, it will take time to overcome this loss. Peace be with you today.

    -david

    This song is for you


     
  10. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Pamela,

    Sorry for your troubling loss of your son. There is only time as we come face to face with the loss. It is one of a time of questions, reflections and one we all would wish it never happened.

    Losing a sibling is so disheartening. Before my wife passed, while we were married she lost both of her brothers, both strong lumberjacks, and an older sister. I was with her as she had to be notified and then try to accept each loss. It was so hard to help her.

    With our current situation, not being able to go outside, and be with others it is so hard to get beyond. It limits our face to face time. Our kinship with those we have come to know in life and holds it back.

    I hope you are being open with your parents. Calling your friends, and family who you can share talks with. If you have something you can do to help you tolerate time passing, like reading, sewing, cooking, viewing tv, looking back over photos, and even writing down on paper what you loved about your brother it does help.

    I know photos, videos bring back so many memories. You have to find a way to open up if possible and talk about how you are feeling to lessen that pain inside you.

    We here at this site have all suffered losses. We will reach out to you and offer comfort if you will allow us. May you night bring you some needed rest. Please never give in to despair.

    If you ever need to talk, we will listen.

    -david

    This is a song for you

     
  11. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Kbrt,

    So sorry for the loss of your son Matt. Even though it has been awhile for you I imagine there are some days that still bother you as well.

    The horror of finding Matt. This month it will be 5 years since my wife passed. I know some days can still seem so vivid of the suffering in life she faced. So I imagine, though time has passed for you, and you see a counselor, the event still hovers over your life.

    I hope you will come to terms with his loss. I know you will never forget, that is natural, even after two tours in Vietnam I still will never forget some events, that unfortunately is life in a nutshell.

    Peace be with you tonight. You can also reach out anytime you wish, we will listen. Take care.

    -david

    This is an Irish song for you

     
  12. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Joyce,

    Wow! To have seen two sons pass is such an awful way. I am very sorry for those tremendous losses.

    Please never feel as if somehow it was your fault. Life can be cruel, and sometimes we will wish we could find the right answers but some things will forever be a mystery.

    Trying to face loss is not easy. Your emotions will be so strong, almost smothering. That is why you need to reach out to family, friends and even complete strangers like us, to help you with this suffering.

    I won’t kid you, it is never easy, there is no surefire way to come to grips with these losses. But, with the help of others your grief can be so much easier to face.

    The times after my wife's death I searched and searched for a way to cope with her loss. We had been married for 42 years, had two beautiful sons, and shared our lives with each other.

    We came to know each other while she wrote to me in Vietnam. I spent two tours there. Life is such an unknown. When we married, her two brothers and a sister passed away. I was with her each step of the way till her recovery. Sure she was still crestfallen with their losses, but together we got her though and beyond it to where their loss was tolerable.

    One way to get beyond loss is to remember all the good times. Look at all you have kept from their lives. Share your pain with others, share your happiness of events as well. There is nothing like sitting down, paging through a photo album and remembering those we lost in life.

    Many times those photos, videos, momentoes bring back such happy memories of life with the one we miss so much. Their memories will be with you for a lifetime, why not find something to help those times with them rush out once more.


    We will be here. Talk as often as you like. No subject is off limits. Just know sometimes each of us have to admit we need help. We need to find those who can help us. Peace be with you today, and the days forward, and please, never give in to despair.


    -david