My mother committed suicide a week before my birthday around 7 months ago. Her 40 birthday was last week. Got the call around 5 am before heading to work and since then I've been completely lost. It comes in waves when I think I am growing around my grief and find myself right back at square one. I can't help but blame myself since I never want to blame her for her actions. I miss her everyday and it pains me to experience everything all the time. We were left with nothing but unanswered questions and I think that's a big part in the sleepless nights: not knowing why. How do you properly heal from something that hurts so much to think about?
Very sorry about your loss. You are still in the very early stages of grieving for your mother. There is no need to blame anyone, especially since you were left with nothing but unanswered questions. This is just a terrible tragedy that will take your mind and heart a while to adjust to. It is very hard when you do not know why. Be good to yourself. Take good care of yourself so that when you start to come out of this nightmare, you will still have your health. Try to get outside every day and take a walk, even if it is not very long. It must be so hard to not know what caused this tragedy. You will have to be patient with yourself, because you have been through a horrible situation, and it will take time to find a way out of the terrible pain that comes with it. We care about you. Stay in contact. People here understand what you are going through and are supportive. Chris
