Mom died suddenly

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by ThatDiva, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. ThatDiva

    ThatDiva Member

    My mom passed away on January 16, 2018. She suffered a massive stroke. The Doctor recommended we bring her home and enlist Hospice. He told us that he’d administered many tests and my mom was unresponsive to any of the tests.
    The ambulance brought her home the following day. My kids and Hospice guided me through the next 10 days. My mom died on January 16, 2018. My entire world changed that day. I took 2 weeks off from work to settle her estate, etc.
    I’m traveling through the grieving process as I write this. I go to work everyday and do all the things needed but I have this deep pain in my heart and soul. I suppose that’s part of grieving. I have her beautiful photo sitting on my mantle and I can’t look at it without the tears surfacing in my eyes.
    I just want my mom. The onset of the holidays along with the anniversary of my moms death has me deep in sorrow. It’s so strange because I can laugh with my kids and friends and usually be fine and happy at work but like I said......there’s this deeply embedded sadness and pain that is inside me. I know I need the support and friendship of others. That much I know. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I hope it all made sense!
    Kassie123 likes this.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    I can relate. My mother died suddenly at the beginning of May - one week before Mother's Day. We have already gone through her first birthday and are now coming up on the holidays. My mother was a big presence in the household and it is terribly quiet without her around. Things will never be the same and we will never "get over it". I guess the best we can hope for is to adapt. Good luck.
    ThatDiva likes this.
  3. KDubs

    KDubs New Member

    My father died in September of a heart attack. I, like you, am able to go living but with constant pain in my heart. I work and I enjoy it. I spend time with my husband and son and laugh and love, but then it’s 10pm and I’m scrolling through old comments from my father on Facebook or staring at a photo. I’m not sure how to get through the holidays. I’m not sure how to be happy and sad at the same time.
    ThatDiva likes this.
  4. ThatDiva

    ThatDiva Member

    I understand. I don’t know how to be happy and sad at the same time. My mom was also a great presence in our family. I sit on my couch and always my focus is my mantel where several photos line the fireplace. I always get tears in my eyes. On December 13 I’m going to a Hospice tree lighting ceremony where they’ll read aloud the people who have passed with Hospice in 2018. My moms name will be included. Already looking forward to it but with almost a sense of dread. I know......strange.
    Happy Thanksgiving to both of you who responded. I’d love to remain in touch. I think all 3 of us could use the support. Hugs.
    LindaH likes this.
  5. KDubs

    KDubs New Member

    That sounds nice with the name reading to remember everyone including your mother.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you too. How did it go?

    I sobbed in my car at the grocery store because we forgot the shredded cheese for my fathers casserole recipe. Other then that it was pretty good. Ah, the stupid little things.
  6. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    Holidays are rough and all the "first"
    This will be my third Christmas without my husband Rough time of year.
    I recommend to all of you to participate as much as you can but do not allow anyone to pressure you into doing anything your don't want to.
  7. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    They had a mass of remembrance at the church where my mother’s funeral was held. They have one every year for the families of people who died the past year.

    They asked people to bring photos of their loved ones to place on a table at the front of the church. I brought one of my mother.

    They also read the names of everyone who died during the past year - over 100 people. Lastly, they had a large book of remembrance in which the names of all the deceased were inscribed in calligraphy.

    It was comforting and depressing at the same time.
  8. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    I am going to have to learn how to get through the holidays for the very first time this year myself. My mom died on 9/21/2018 and I say that’s the day the old Lisa died too. I’ve been having good days and bad days and days that were both and thought I was prepared for the holidays but clearly wasn’t because somehow I found myself at th ebottom of a bottle for over a week. I know she wouldn’t want me to be checking out of life like that and it didn’t change anything. I never knew that it was going to hurt this bad. She was diagnosed with cancer and the end was going to be horrible so i’m glad she did die suddenly,I just wanted a little more time with her. Do you find yourself angry at others or even God for what seems so unfair? What strategies have you used to deal with the grief?
  9. Raysmomma

    Raysmomma New Member

    Hi my mom died on December 4th 2016 from a sudden heart attack at age 49 I was 19 at the time and got pregnant 1 month after she passed away. Let me tell you it doesn't get easier especially if you haven't taken the time to actually grieve... All you can do is hope someday you'll be able to get past the hole in your chest. I'm sorry for your loss. If you need someone to chat with you can pm me. But I'm not going to sugar coat it for anyone because its one of the hardest battles you will ever encounter in your life.
    ThatDiva likes this.