Mom died on a plane Jan 20th

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by SouthernGal, Feb 13, 2020.

  1. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal Member

    I’m so sorry to hear of everyone’s loss and being in so much pain. I’m disabled now and have plenty of time to chat. I’ll listen to ya. I’m hurting myself because my mother passed away Jan 20th. I’m still in shock. She was 66 and had a heart attack. There was a lot of blockage so she had triple bypass surgery and never woke up from surgery. She was on life support for a week until her kidneys and lungs started to fail. She was in a small hospital in Mt View AR, so they flew her to St. Louis for better dialysis equipment but she died alone in the plane. I didn’t get to see her before the surgery because I have a blood clot and she didn’t want me to travel. She said she’d see me after rehab from the heart surgery. She wanted to be cremated so she was in St. Louis and mailed to us so I never saw her and haven’t really grasped everything that happened so fast. I know she’s gone but I still can’t believe it. I guess because I didn’t get to see her. My brother and sister saw her while she was on life support in the small hospital and said their goodbyes when it wasn’t looking to good.

    I just feel like she’s at home in AR and I’m in LA and she doesn’t have cell phone service to call. Sometimes I just find myself waiting for when I can call her. I’m her first born and we were really close. We basically grew up together because she got pregnant at 14. No my dad age 16 didn’t stick around. So she’s my only parent. She helped me raise my two sons as a divorced, single mom. They were close to her too. I have had a lot of surgeries in my 50 years and she’s been at every one and nursed me back while helping me with the boys. They’re grown now (19 & 24). I don’t know who will help me if I have another surgery someday. I’m so use to having her anytime I needed her and vise versa. I cared for her when she had knee surgery. I miss her so much. There’s a heavy pain or pressure in my chest that’s been there since she died. I think my heart is really broken. This is my first experience with grief. I don’t like it at all. 422BC242-60E2-49A4-A6DF-32C6A93B1976.jpeg
    Feel free to message me anytime any of ya want or need to chat. I wish you all peace and happiness
     
  2. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for the loss of your beloved mother. That is a beautiful picture of the two of you. I know the pain and shock you are going through. It does feel like your heart is broken and there isn't an easy answer on how to cope with the loss of a loved one except to take one day at a time. You will begin to heal but you will never forget. I lost both my parents many years ago and most recently my older sister who was also my best friend and the last of my family. I am still dealing with grief and sadness. Wishing you strength and peace.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, I totally understand all your emotions and feelings. It’s gut wrenching. It’s so painful, it’s difficult to come up with words to express the pain. I believe the people on this site will be helpful to you. Just knowing that others understand how you’re feeling is helpful. When I lost my dad many years ago I thought I couldn’t live another day. Then I lost my Mom 10 years later, my best friend, and felt how is this happening. This gut destroying feeling. And now my husband passed from a massive heart attack, with no warning signs what so ever. He’s my rock, my everything. He helped me through losing my parents. His parents only passed about a year and half before he did. He was still mourning his parents. I feel lost without him. Like a shell of myself.
    I understand how you feel about not getting to see her or say goodbyes. But like I’ve been told by so many people, she knew you loved her with all your heart, she knew you wanted to be by her side and knew you really were with her, maybe not in person but you were with her. She knows that. And I’m willing to bet she’s watching over you as I know my husband is watching over me. The bond you had will always be with you. I was having such guilt, my husband was on the stretcher in the drive way waiting to be pushed in the ambulance and yelled I love you Robin, at least 5 times. I didn’t answer back. I don’t even know why, but I still have guilt over that. I was sure he would be having surgery and coming home. But he knew I loved him, I didn’t have to say it but I do wish I did. Your mom knew you were with her in spirit and sending support. Not being able to say goodbye, haunts me that I couldn’t say goodbye to my husband or hold his hand. But that too, your Mom my husband knew we would have been if we could.
    Please take care yourself, and take one day at a time. You have 2 sons who still need their Mom.
     
    cg123 likes this.
  4. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal Member

    Thank you for your thoughtful words. I’m so sorry you’ve had so many losses. I can’t imagine the difficulty you’ve been through. Loosing my mom is my first experience with grief. And it’s awful. Yep I still have my two amazing sons and a wonderful very supportive fiancé. I wish you peace and happiness in your journey too.
     
  5. SouthernGal

    SouthernGal Member

    Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry for your losses too. Wow the last of your family must really be hard to accept at times. My heart feels for you. I have a younger sister and brother and we three have gotten closer and talk a lot more since moms death. I’m thankful I have them to grieve with. I hate you are alone. Are you married or have any friends? Wishing you lots of strength and blessings.
     
    cg123 likes this.
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you, yes I’ve had a lot of losses, it’s so hard, mourning a loved one is so hard. Life is not anything like it used to be. My husband was only 63, young, your Mom was young too. Had so much more life to live. I’m happy you and your siblings have grown closer and you have each other to lean on. I have my 2 children, my daughter lives close my son is in FL, but we talk often which is so helpful. This is a very difficult journey and we all need support.
     
    glego and Bogman like this.
  7. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    SouthernGal, your story is heart-wrenching, I wish you peace and strength as you grieve.
     
    SouthernGal likes this.
  8. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    No, I am not married. I will be moving back to another state where I used to live to be closer to friends. Thx for your blessings.