*DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!

Missing my mom so much

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by SnowWhite78, Mar 3, 2021.

  1. SnowWhite78

    SnowWhite78 New Member

    I lost my mom Feb 3 2021. She was diagnosed in 2017 with endometrial cancer. Christmas Eve 2020 she was taken to the hospital because she was having a lot of pain. They discovered she had a hole in her large intestine and rushed her to emergency surgery. They was able to take care of the problem with a colostomy bag. She remained in the hospital until the 5th of January & then was allowed to come home if she started up PT. Once home she seemed to be eating good and in good spirits. That lasted about 2 weeks before everything went downhill. Hospice got called in then and it seemed that once they began the strong pain meds she just slept until she passed away. I often ask myself if I and my dad could’ve done more for her. I know she would’ve done whatever it took if it would’ve been me. Her and I were extremely close, best friends. If I didn’t see her daily, then we talked daily. I find the littlest things trigger me & I do nothing but cry. I know things will never be the same, and will never be ok again but I’m hoping I can find better ways of helping me cope. I was just curious to maybe some things that has helped others cope better? I’ve lost loved ones before, but I’ve never felt this much pain before.
     
    Greg9072 likes this.
  2. Feisty Biscuit

    Feisty Biscuit New Member

    I read your story and it just resonated with me. I lost my mom on November 24th to peritonitis and sepsis. She had been having digestive issues for three months, and ended up in the hospital for emergency colon surgery. Everything went okay with the first surgery and she was improving in the ICU, but then something went wrong and the infection set in again, and another emergency surgery followed by two weeks in a coma and then hospice. It's been so hard...like you, I talked to my parents every day. And like you, both me and my dad just wonder if things would have been different if we were more demanding that she see a doctor in the months that lead up to her leaving. She was so stubborn about seeking medical care for herself, but if myself or my dad or my husband so much as sneezed once in front of her, she'd insist we go to urgent care immediately. I do miss her so much... it's been so hard to cope with the whole thing.
     
    Greg9072 likes this.
  3. SnowWhite78

    SnowWhite78 New Member

    Im so sorry to hear about your moms passing. My mom was the same way, she put everyone else first before herself. Like you said, my mom too would tell me I needed to go get seen for the littlest things. I know we can’t wonder “what if we did this, or what if we did that” because it will eat us up, but it’s so hard not to help but wonder if something we could’ve done would allow them to still be here with us today. Thanks for replying to my post, it’s nice to have people to talk to going through similar situations.
     
  4. Jenny&Mommo

    Jenny&Mommo New Member

    Both of these stories resonate with me and my heart goes out to both of you SnowWhite78 (my mother's favorite Disney princess btw) and Feisty Biscuit. While I'm grateful this site exists to help people cope, I'm sad that we're all here, just doing our best to get through this grief.

    My mother passed away on March 3, 2021. She needed heart surgery but before they could attempt surgery, they had to get her blood pressure and kidneys stabilized to endure it. Things were finally looking up and she was moving in a positive direction with things stabilizing on March 2nd. I went to bed that night thinking things were going to be fine, already planning in my head when we'd be celebrating Mother's Day together. Shockingly, on March 3rd things just took a very sudden turn for the worse. She started to go into kidney failure and her blood pressure was dropping so quickly. I still don't understand how in 24 hours I went from feeling relieved to ultimately, feeling the most indescribable pain when her heart stopped and they couldn't revive her. My mother too, was stubborn and didn't go to the doctor right away. She went a full month having breathing issues before even telling me about it. I'll never understand her thought process or why she'd say things to me like, "You're my everything. You're the best thing that happened to me," but then she wouldn't prioritize her health to stay alive here with me. I too have been playing the "what if" game. I've been angry at myself for not doing so many things differently. I've been angry at her for not doing things differently. This grieving process has been so incredibly difficult. I feel like something reached inside my body, took a piece of my soul from me and I'll never be the same person. And I'm trying to figure out how to move forward and be kind to myself in the process. It's the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my life to date.

    So with all that said, as far as how to cope better - Know that there are no rules to this. I have just allowed myself to feel whatever feelings come out, every day. Some days I can't get out of bed. Some days I'm crying through running, sweating through running, just thinking through running. Some days I'm crying through trying to brush my teeth, trying to shower, trying to eat.. the triggers are endless. I've been writing in a journal and reading a book my therapist recommended to me. I've been talking about my feelings to a professional and to my friends and family. I've cried, I've screamed, I've silently stared, I've talked out loud to my mother, I started a nostalgic ritual to honor my mother and our relationship daily - though some days I can't bring myself to actually do it. I've even been given a recommendation of a Medium by a friend, and who some day I might contact in hopes of getting more closure. And all I can say is that all of these coping mechanisms have done nothing thus far to help me feel better or feel less pain - but I know it's better than suppressing my feelings and I just hope that one day the pain isn't as intense. For all of us. I hope sharing my story helps you, even if just a little. Reading your stories helped me a little. And that's all I can ask for these days.

    Sending love your way,
    Jenny
     
  5. Greg9072

    Greg9072 New Member

    I lost my mom Sept 7 2020. She went to the hospital with stomach pain and numbness in her hands and feet on a Sunday evening. The doctor called me, at 11pm, and said she had an infection but not sure where. He would xray her stomach to look there. My mom called shortly after and sounded fine. Monday morning at 4 am the doctor called me and told me she passed. He said she pulled our her central intravenous catheter which caused her to bleed to death.

    I wish I had gotten her to go the hospital sooner. Maybe they could have put in a regular iv and she wouldn't have bled to death. I feel dense for not doing more sooner.