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Missing My Daddy

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Kara Trauger, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. Kara Trauger

    Kara Trauger New Member

    My Dad died December 13, 2017, after a sudden, short, and intense battle with small cell carcinoma.

    He was in perfect health that summer...thought he had a stomach bug in October and early November...diagnosed right before Thanksgiving....in ICU the Sunday after Thanksgiving with liver failure, kidney failire, and sepsis... I watched him take his last breath 2 1/2 weeks later.

    I live 4 hours away from the rest of my family. The morning after my brother called and said he was taking Dad to the ER, I packed up my 6 month old and drove 4 hours to the hospital. We basically lived in ICU, then Oncology, then ICU again for 2 1/2 weeks. My husband and daughter stayed home except for one or two brief visits. That was awful.

    It was such a roller coaster...hoping against hope...clinging to the tiniest hope... having that hope crushed by new complications.
    Worrying about dragging my infant around a hospital.
    Getting sick with a stomach virus myself, and taking care of my son alone at my parents house. Then going back to the hospital as soon as I was allowed.

    And physically exhausting. Carrying my son and mountains of bags in and around a large hospital every day, with baby supplies and things for my Mom. Wearing my chunky baby, walking miles and miles in circles so he would nap. Converting waiting room chairs into diaper change stations and makeshift play yards. Nursing every two hours, and forcing myself to stay hydrated and try to eat, for my son's sake.

    Next week will be one year since they found the mass in his colon. It feels like I'm living it all over again. I've been alternating between feeling absolutely nothing, and feeling the worst pain of my life.

    My Dad was (still is, as I believe he is in heaven) the most amazing person I have ever known. The definition of genuine compassion. Integrity like you wouldn't believe. Wisdom. Kindness mixed eith great strength. Intelligence with the ability to communicate with people without who didn't have as much education (my Dad was a pharmacist) and never make them feel like he was talking down to them. Gifted teacher. Practical joker. Story teller. Author of one novella, with much more he wanted to write.

    I am dreading the holidays this year, but I'm thankful to have found this place to share my story. Thanks for listening.