Missing Mom

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by HankersKing6, Jun 23, 2020.

  1. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    New to this so just trying to figure it out. My mom passed away 2 1/2 weeks ago and it seems like two years. Think of her everyday. Miss calling her. At times it consumes me.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. The loss of someone we love so dearly is overwhelming. Or all consuming as you stated. It’s a pain you can’t even describe, and something, that’s why people who haven’t suffered such a loss don’t understand. Everyone here on this site understands that pain.
    I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack. He was never sick, we thought he was healthy, took him in 2 hours. I went into a state of shock, stopped eating and sleeping, the pain feels never ending. That was 19 months ago, I’m in a better place now, I’ve lost a lot of weight but I’m eating of coarse, I do sleep better. I miss our wonderful life together but I do feel stronger. I’ve also lost both my parents, many years ago, but I know that loss as well. We think our loved ones will be with us forever, then when they’re taken and you feel the pain and loneliness it’s so difficult.
    You’re loss is very resent, take one day at a time, and come back to this site often and share your story and read others, it does help to know that you’re not alone in your pain. I hope you have family and friends offering support, either in person if possible with this pandemic going on or by phone or zoom or FaceTime.
    Take care of you, your Mom would want you to.
    Robin
     
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  3. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    Thank you so much. I needed to hear from someone this morning. Thank God for you. I cried myself to sleep last night and feeling sad this morning. One day at a time. Sorry for your loss.
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry your cried yourself to sleep. I know how that is. And thank you for for thoughts. I’m glad you did get some sleep though. Just try to get through each day, or moment, one little thing at a time. That’s all you’re up to right now. During this pandemic life is already hard, and with our losses it’s even more difficult. It is good to let the tears happen, so don’t hold back. Your Mom is with you, she helped mold you into who you are today. And I believe our loved ones are watching over us and trying to help.
    Try to step outside and breathe in fresh air, it’s good for you.
    Keep reading stories on here and sharing when you’re up to it. It does help. I didn’t find this site for 11 months and I was not doing well. It has helped me a lot!
    Baby steps
    Sending you hugs!
     
  5. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    I appreciate your reply. Thank you. This feeling of sadness comes and goes to the point where at times I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I talked to her everyday on the phone when I was not with her. I miss that! I'm still reliving seeing her lying in a casket. Everyday!
     
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Awe! I understand! That’s a nightmare that keeps coming up in your head. For me what I keep seeing is the amount of pain he was in that night and yelling in pain. But then I do picture when he called to me and he had thrown up. And he called me so calm and loving and said he thought he felt some better. And I told him not to move. Stay put. At that point we didn’t know it was his heart. And I also have other pictures in my head from that night some I’m thankful for and some that are like a nightmare. The memory I’m thankful for is when he was waiting to be rolled into the ambulance and he he yelled at least 5 times, I love you Robin! I love you Robin! So sweet and loving. My regret is that I didn’t answer him. I personally try not to think of him in the casket, it’s so hard to have that picture. I’m sorry that’s happening to you.
    Eventually you’ll be able to think of the good times and happy memories. That takes time too, because they will probably make you cry now. But it will happen.
    I know the feeling of missing the phone calls. After Ron passed I felt like my phone died too. No one checking on me no one texting me. It feels awful.
    I hope you have family and friends offering support. Through phone calls or some how. I know Texas has high numbers with the virus right now so I know support might be difficult but I’m hoping you have some people reaching out to you.
    You’re not losing your mind. You’re grieving the loss of your Mom and it’s overwhelmingly painful. We’ve all been there or are there. We know exactly how you’re feeling. Do your best to take care of you. ❤️
     
  7. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    Thank you. I always appreciate a reply. It's not like misery loves company but I'm just glad to be able to connect with someone who truly understands. It seems as though you are very strong and I know it takes time. I'm happy for you to be able to cope better and give such sound advise. We certainly do have grief in common. What an appropriate name. Blessings to you!
     
  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You’re very welcome! I hope I say things that might help. All I know is what has helped me and that sharing on here has been a life saver for me. I know that when I found this site I didn’t get a reply for a long time and thought this site won’t help me. But then I finally got a response, and I cried like a baby. The response hit home with me. Like that person was living my nightmare. But we all are. And the grief in common name is so perfect, you’re right.
    Get yourself to step outside each day and breath in fresh air. That’s whT my son made me promise I’d do when he was leaving to go back home to Florida. I promised him I’d try. Some days all I did was step out on my back deck, it I will say it does help. Fresh is good for you. And when I’m lacking motivation, which can be often, I step out and then push myself to do something, anything to get my blood flowing. Too soon for you to push, you need time.
    I know the pain you’re in and know what it does to our thinking, our brain is in a fog. I know how much it hurts and I just hope I say something to someone that might help them. Because this feeling we’re going through is overwhelming it’s impossible to explain and people just don’t understand. If I’m correct I think it’s about a month since you lost your Mom, try hard to take care of yourself. Eventually your memories will become blessings.
    ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
     
  9. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    Another night thinking of mom with tears rolling down my face. I see her. She was very ill and in lots of pain, crying out for help. That was hard. So yes I am relieved that she is no longer suffering. But the void in my life is ....... Lord help.
     
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to lose someone we loved so much. I’m afraid your feelings are normal, the loss is a shock to our system. And we can’t just turn a switch to make those feelings stop. Try some deep breathing exercises. Do you have support that’s helping you through this? Maybe you have someone that can come over and have a cup of coffee with or just talk to.
    Your loss is so resent, I wish I had a magic wand to take away your pain. It takes time and lots of it.
    I woke up in the night not feeling well. For me, not feeling well and not having Ron there to help me love me and take care of me makes me ache and feel sicker. Such a process we go through after losing someone so important in our lives.
    Keep reaching out on here. Sending you hugs!
     
  11. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    Sorry that you do not have your Ron there physically to make you feel better. I do have a very supportive and loving husband of 34 years. And I can understand the importance of having a bond with a person whom you can trust; your friend, your lover, your confident. My husband is all those things to me and I am forever grateful. I can imagine your Ron being that kind of person to you also. I like this quote a friend shared...don't cry because they are gone, but smile because they came. You are blessed that he came into your life and you have precious memories of having experienced love. My husband tells me all the time "you better live" and I think your Ron would want the same. Cry. Breathe. Enjoy. Blessings. I support you.
     
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so glad you have your husband for that wonderful support we all need. Ron was the best support imaginable I still use him as my inspiration to move forward and to do things. People just don’t understand our pain unless they’ve experienced it. This is a long bumpy road and so many ups and downs.
    Ron and I discussed being the one left behind after one of us passes. I was sure I’d go first, he was so healthy, I have RA which can affect your organs. He helped me with everything, and didn’t even think about it, he just did. He said he couldn’t live without me. And I said the same. But I’m here trying my best to keep going. I have 2 children, or we have 2 children. My daughter is my biggest support she lives 15 minutes away, my son lives in Florida but he reaches out to me often. They are my purpose in life now. We planned to close our business and retire this year. I closed it with help from my kids and I’m retired but won’t be traveling or doing any home renovations like we planned.
    I’m trying to live but it’s difficult when you’re alone most the time. We told each other to continue living when one of passes. Easier said then done. And with the pandemic I can’t even visit my son.
    I am at a point where memories don’t always make me cry, there was a time that was the case. Memories, songs, tv shows. Don’t cry because they’re gone but smile because they came. That’s a hard one, but I’m trying.
    Thank you for hour thoughts, it means a lot. I hope you’re doing ok today.
     
  13. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Member

    Yes I am doing pretty good today. But not a day goes by without thoughts of her. I'm sorry you are suffering with RA. I too have an autoimmune disease with leg weakness for which I take infusion every three weeks. So I do understand how important the help of a spouse means. If it were my husband gone...I can't imagine. I just pray we both can deal with our grief better. I did not mean any disrespect any all. I support you. Blessings!
     
  14. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m glad today went pretty good for you. Of course you miss your Mom and think of her all the time. It’s hard losing our loved ones. Can’t even express the pain we feel, there’s no words.
    So yes, you do understand the importance of help with these diseases, Ron did so much for me. Not that I want any one suffering, but it is nice to know someone who understands how much I depended on Ron, with so many things. Most people don’t understand how devastating our losses are or how much help and support we need with the diseases we suffer from.
    Thank you for your support. I hope you’re sleeping better at least some nights. I’m happy you have hour husband giving you great support. I’m thankful for my daughters support.
    Hope you can sleep tonight.