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Miss My Dear Sister

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by Rhia456, May 20, 2021.

  1. Rhia456

    Rhia456 New Member

    I lost my sister on April 16. She died almost suddenly of a heart condition that progressed quickly. She was 64 years old. She was also my best friend and best supporter. I really do not have many people in my life and isolate and have trust issues with people as I have known many toxic and unkind ones. My sister was not one of these people. She was a saint in my eyes. I am experiencing increased anxiety and my IBS is flaring up due to this loss. I also live with two roommates, one with a bad temper I try to avoid and another who "borrows money" and pays little or nothing back and I have issues saying no to. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I work from home and my job is the best thing I have in my life right now. Since my sister died, I have had only one good cry. Over the years due to shaming I learned to cry less over things. Crying also gives me headaches and makes me sick to my stomach. I am also the type who does not self medicate with drugs or alcohol because I do not like the foggy feelings it leaves. It would be great to hear from someone.
     
  2. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for the loss of your sister. I know how hard it is to lose your sister. My sister passed 2 years ago and we lived together and were the best of friends. She was the only relative left from my immediate family. I live alone and it is so very hard. I am very glad to hear that you do not self medicate with drugs or alcohol because that would only make things worse. I don't think one ever gets over the grief...you just learn to live with it. It doesn't seem like you are happy living with your roommates - perhaps you would be better living alone if that is financially possible. I think I would rather live alone than live with roommates like yours. Sorry that you suffer with depression, anxiety and PTSD. I found it helps me when I keep busy doing things I like (such as sewing) and try to get outside as much as possible which clears my head. Sending you a big hug and prayers.
     
  3. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the process of losing my sister. She has days to weeks. I see her daily, and have for the last few years. I do their food shopping and cooking and assist the caregiver when necessary with physically moving her around. She has Multiple Myeloma and had been getting chemo for 6 years before it was discontinued. Developed dementia about a year ago and is severely affected. I visited my husband every day for 4 years in a nursing home before he passed and previously to that, I took care of my mother for 10 years. I have some knowledge of dementia but each one of them had a different set of symptoms. My sister is by far, the worse. She screams for me when I am sitting next to her and holding her hand. I try and comfort her and it is not working. She started at- home hospice one month ago and and has been sliding down very rapidly. I thought modern medicine could create comfort care but so far the only remedy we have are heavy duty meds that make her comatose.I am already grieving and I know now that we never get over the losses we suffer. We adjust our lives to accommodate those feelings. My tears and sadness are for all of the losses and the frustration at not being able to deliver the comfort we promised . I hope you get better as time goes by.
     
  4. SallyD

    SallyD Active Member

    Hi, Rhia. I just want to say that I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I lost my older brother, a little over a year ago and it's been really hard for me.
    My brother, Jordan, was also a great friend to me and my best supporter, with our parents gone and all. And I've had health problems for a long time (I'm a
    thyroid patient whose medicine doesn't work right on them since they changed the formula to it, a long time ago, and this causes lots of trouble for me), so
    my brother knew my history, and knew how to make a joke and keep encouraging me to keep trying to get better, try different things. He was the best
    person I had left, and I wanted to keep trying so I could help him with more things, and do more things with him. But now, he's gone....and nothing is
    the same. Jordan never drank or anything, but he ended up needing a liver transplant....I think he needed thyroid treatment for a long time, too, but
    the tests always showed he was "normal," even though he had a lot of low-thyroid symptoms. And I think this stressed out his liver, over the years.

    We were very close to getting him a liver transplant--which was hard, because they delayed things because of our low-income. But we did finally get
    everything to the point where he was waiting for a new liver in the hospital in March 2020. They said he should get a new one, "any day." But because
    of Covid, they soon stopped getting donor organs and doing transplants, right when he needed it. And he couldn't hold on long enough. And I just
    miss him so much, and it's not fair. My brother was 63, and I'm 57. I'm writing you because I know what it's like to lose a sibling who meant so much
    to you, one who really cheered you on, when so many others don't. I've been a lot more depressed and anxious, too--part of this is grief, and part is
    because my thyroid medicine works so badly--and it affects emotions, too. Feel free to write me, anytime. Sending you caring thoughts.....Sally D.