Meth overdose

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Mrs.Palos, Jan 1, 2019.

  1. Mrs.Palos

    Mrs.Palos New Member

    I don't really know where to start. My husband & I weren't in a good place because of his drug use. He want loving at home because I told him I thought we should seperate. He would stop by & see the kids at least every other day. The night he overdosed he showed up at the house at 3:30 a.m. He told me he just got pulled over & swallowed the meth he had. He said he was paranoid. I let him in. He kept apologizing because he was paranoid. I never thought once he had overdosed. I feel so stupid because I could've saved his life. I left to take my daughter to school at 7:50 a.m. I made it it back home at 8:05. My mom was there with our 2 little ones. She told me she heard him making groaning noises in the bathroom & then nothing. I went to check & he was laying on the shower floor. I called 911. I didn't know he was gone yet but he was. I'll never forget any moment in this day. I just wish I knew. I have so much guilt. Why didn't he say something? Why didn't I ask. I feel so stupid for not knowing. I had 4 hours. I'm so broken.
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Mrs. Palos, I am so sorry for your loss and all you have had to suffer because of it. I find after someone is gone it is our first instinct to go back and take responsibility...all that we could or "should" have done differently. We suddenly feel entirely responsible for another person's life, and I find many people in situations similar to yours fill every waking thought with regret and guilt.
    Here's what I say to everyone who finds themselves second guessing, who think they could or should have done more: you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.
    We have a tendency to use our current information to judge these situations after they have happened. But how could you have known? Take all the other routes that were available to you...taking him to the ER, for example. Would he have found himself in trouble potentially if you took that route? Of course some legal trouble sounds like nothing compared to the alternative you now know, but isn't it likely that you were simply trying to avoid creating any more problems or issues for him? That's what we do for the people we care about, we try to protect them and care for them, even when they're not taking care of themselves.
    I know this isn't easy to hear, and I hope you can understand my intent in saying it, but I think it's very important to recognize the role your husband played in all of this...swallowing the meth, not recognizing for himself the potential danger, not seeking help or ever asking you for help...all of these factors contributed to this outcome. And while we never want to "blame" anyone, especially when they're gone...why do we find it so much easier to take all the blame ourselves?
    I hope you can take some time to consider this. I hope you can let yourself off the hook, and let go of some of the guilt. And most of all I hope you can find some support and comfort right here...I'm so glad you have joined us. I wish you all the best~
     
  3. Sophia82

    Sophia82 New Member

     
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Mrs. Palos,

    My heart goes out to you in this time of extreme loss of your husband. Please never feel you could have stopped him from making such a foolish mistake of using the drugs and then trying to hide them, as his mind was not thinking well. Trying to blame yourself serves no good purpose other than making yourself feel bad and if only times. We all will have regrets in life, some easier to accept and others so very hard to cope with. Just know you were not at fault ever.

    During this isolation and even after, you should seek professionals, like counseling, a psychiatrist, and/or a priest. Those enormous emotions you hold onto inside can eat you up and take you over. So please reach out in whatever form you can and if it is only phone and the internet right now, that can change later. Loss and guilt are never easy to overcome.

    Just realize you are not alone in your profound loss, others have suffered every possible loss one could imagine. We are all here to share with you, our sorrow, our tears, and our feelings with you as well. Peace be with today.

    -david