Mama misses u beautiful

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Stella Carpenter, Nov 13, 2016.

  1. Stella Carpenter

    Stella Carpenter New Member

    I lost my 15 year old daughter to suicide two days b4 my birthday this year (August 28th) and I just feel lost. I'm in a city we just moved to 2 weeks b4 she took her own life. she was struggling with suicide her last 7 years of life. she was a cutter. she was sooo happy her last two days of life but that nite my heart told me something was wrong. as I walked into the bathroom expecting to find her cutting again I instead see her hanging from the lining closet. I am pregnant so lifting up was difficult. as we waited for 911 to arrive in tried reviving her for 20 min. I thought I was saving her life but I was only pumping throw up through her mouth and nose. I held onto hope for 6 hours as perimedics tried saving her. hearing the man say my babygirl was gone hurt beyond any pain ever. I've suffered many losses in my life and live with chronic PTSD so bring that I've lost my life I've been nothing but depressed and suicidal on and off myself. I was her mom and dad her entire life. she would of been 16 September 13 this year . we were outcasts from both sides of family. her dad and his family and my entire family so being that we created a world all our own I've truly lost everything. I am currently engaged to my high school crush the man I've loved for 18 years and we're expecting a baby boy in March. this is all I have and I know I'm still lucky and blessed but 16 years of just my beautiful and I just gone in a blink of an eye has forever changed me in every way. I cannot find a support group in loss so I'm having a hard time living. this is my time here and I'm not sure how this works but plz, anyone that can help me in anyway plz do
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Stella, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. There are simply no words to try and relay the pain and hurt you must be feeling. There is a serious lack of support for so many and this site was created for just that reason. We are a new site, but growing quickly and gaining members every day. I know there are many people on this site who have lost a child, and many who have lost a loved one to suicide. If you haven't already, please try doing a search for others by going to "Make a Connection" and "Find Others Who Are Grieving". You can search the criteria by searching for "loss of child" and "loss to suicide". That will bring up people that you can then send a message to. I hope this gives you a place to start. In the meanwhile, please take care of yourself and let us know if we can assist you with navigating the site in any way...
     
  3. Linda Kidd

    Linda Kidd New Member

    Hi Stella, so sorry to hear about your babygirl. My son was 25 and took his own life this last October 26th. He had attempted twice before but that was a few years ago and he seemed to be doing better just lately. No words are enough to express my compassion and concern for you. Are you financial enough to get professional support? I'm seeing a counsellor as I have other losses, one to suicide , in my story and I realise I need all the help I can get to get through this. The pain is beyond description. Is your partner supportive? I'm not sure what your belief system is so for some people their faith and faith community is helpful. I am searching readings and articles that can help me with believing he's in a better place but mostly that just upsets me. Where is better than here with me!!!! I'm more spiritual I think in my belief system. I guess we are on the search for answers and meaning at least I am. I wish I there was something I could do to help but you are in my thoughts and I hope my beautiful boy is looking after your babygirl. Linda xxxxxx
     
  4. Frances Worden

    Frances Worden New Member

    Stella, I lost my 35 year old daughter to suicide on May 23, 2016. I don't have any answers. I just want to tell you that you are not alone. This is a very painful journey. I'm so sorry for your loss.
     
  5. ArtistSandy

    ArtistSandy New Member

    Hi Stella. I need to do better about checking this site. I just read your post. I can't tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I feel like those words aren't enough but I guess they'll have to do for now. I lost my handsome, funny, sweet 23 year old son (my only child) on November 9, 2014. Somedays it still feels like it's not real, other days I can't get him out of my mind.

    Please, please know (unfortunately) that you are not alone and that we do understand and care. Don't be afraid to reach out.

    - Sandy
     
  6. Frances Worden

    Frances Worden New Member

    Hello. I too lost my daughter to suicide by hanging. I'm so sorry for your loss and the terror you experienced. My daughter was 35 and suffered with depression, anxiety, irritability, and ptsd for many many years. We could not find adaquate mental health care. I was in the process of setting boundaries with her when she killed herself. That was May 23, 2016. At first I truly believed that I killed her because I wouldn't let her move back in with mE or stop by without planning a head. I was dating a man I really liked, but they didn't like each other. I feel like I chose him over her. He broke up with me four months after her death which devastated me even more. I ended up meeting another man who can care less about me, so I am in the process of clearing him from my body, mind and soul. Some days I feel like I have come to terms with her death and respect her decision to leave this world. But I really miss her so much and waves of deep sadness come over me at unexpected times. I do believe that I am healing and putting the pieces of me back together. I send you healing thoughts. We are not alone.