Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Katiebird, Apr 15, 2019 at 3:33 PM.

  1. Katiebird

    Katiebird New Member

    I don't know if this is the right place for me. I lost my husband on January 21, 2019 to pneumonia exacerbated by cancer and a history of liver transplant and heart surgery. He has been the sole focus of my world for the last 8 years and now that he's gone, I'm completely lost. I miss him beyond words. I can't focus. I don't want to do anything. I've completely lost interest in everything. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep until the pain stops. I have flashbacks to him dying in my arms. I can still feel his cold hands in mine, hear the monitor flatline. I just want him to come home. I know that you can all relate to this loss, so I feel like, by sharing, I'm adding to the grief of others. I don't know what to do anymore. My therapist suggested this site to me (the only useful thing she's done for me), but I don't know what I'm hoping to get out of it. Is anyone else out here adrift with me?
  2. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Katiebird you are not adding to others pain and loss. We are because we have all experienced it. So if anyone can feel as you do it would be here or other love grief groups. I am seven months in. I really did consider a facility check in. There are those days that are just bearable. You much are coming at you at the same time. The word overwhelming does begin to make absolute sense. My stages were nothing bet crazy. My two favorite metaphors are go get hit by a bus going 30mph. The resulting impact and concussion-like symptoms are real. Don't really do that by the way. Brain fog, loss of focus, no concentration, zero decision-making skills, Along with immense pain, nonstop tears and so much heartache. My other expression is we do not control grief. It controls us. Tax day was a wall of tears. The last joint return triggers the sorrow. I had some friends with good empathy and listening sills. Others or most have a clue and really have a hard time with pain either their own of others. Most hospice counselors use the term to speak your own truth. They tend to want us to be at least around others. I would qualify that as safe others. There is considerable time in this. Lots of back and forth. Hospice will list about 50 variations of how people feel, deal and cope. Best to you in this time. Sometimes we can be surprised by peoples goodness. Most people comment on how to be with those who do not understand. Sleep disorders are common. the life we knew is gone and we have to build a new one. The tool we use o build is not available to us. There is no stopwatch for our progress. Some aid will appear by surprise. The so small increments of better make note of. Notice and footnote it as so small but just a bit better. We here and other sources know you. So much for the mind, body, and spirit to handle. The big one is loneliness. So be with us. You are one of us and welcomed.