This August 2018, it will be 14 years since my Mom passed. I still miss her so much that sometimes my heart physically hurts and it’s hard to breathe. My life has never been the same. Her bedroom is empty, the house is too quiet. I dream of her most nights and when I wake up the next morning I think I need to tell her about the dream and then I remember she’s not here anymore. I was her caretaker for the last 10 years of her life and when she left me I felt like half of me went with her and I know I have a giant hole in my heart. I miss her laughter and our chats and watching tv together, going shopping together, going to the movies together. There are so many other things about her that I miss. I still cry everyday and people tell me I need to move on with my life but I’m still lost without her and there is no moving on for me. I feel like a shadow of what I once was.
Christine, I am so sorry for your loss. I think for most people when a parent dies, it feels like a part of them is lost too. I often say to people, our parents are our first loves, and for you it sounds like that love was a very significant part of your daily life even well into your adult years. As a caregiver, every part of your day and routine was connected to your mom. So not only have you lost this very important person, but you may be feeling like you've lost your role and purpose too. There is no timeline for this, and there's no right or wrong way to do it. Being able to move forward doesn't mean forgetting about your mom, or listening to those who say it's time to get over it. It's about finding purpose in the future, figuring out what is next for you, and considering what your mom would want for you. I find a lot of people find their comfort and answers there. Let your mom guide you through this, with the wisdom she has planted, allow yourself to grow through this loss and see if you can find hope on the other side. We're here for anything you need, and I'm so glad to have you with us. Please take care~
