On 14 January of this year he passed away. Metastatic cancer was the initial diagnosis. As if that wasn't distressing enough he got Covid and I wasn't even able to see him the last 5 days. This emptiness, the guilt of not being with him, never hearing his voice again, having no friends, no motivation, it is awful to wake up and know it is another day without him. It was always just us doing things together. The legal aspect was not situated beforehand. I don't even have the energy to gather together the information to proceed with an attorney. I feel completely lost. I would rather just sleep. My home is a disaster. I'm usually a picky housekeeper. I make myself wash my dishes. My 3 cats give me company. Maybe someone here can tell me how people like me can move forward. I never thought I would be in this position. Two months doesn't allow a person to begin to prepare themselves for this kind of life.
I hear you, MissyL. My husband died less than a month ago. I too have guilt that I didn't take him to the ER soon enough. He also had metastatic cancer. A heart attack took him. We didn't have any financial things in place. I hate waking up and wish I could just sleep forever. We just moved and I don't know anyone and my family is not helpful.
I'm sorry for your loss. I get not having the energy to do anything. Thats the grief holding you down. Pray for strength each day because each one will be challenge. No time will prepare someone for this type grief. Time will make u stronger to deal with it.
My husband died of a massive heart attack in our living room. I heard a noise and called out to find out where he was. And then I found him and I knew he was gone and it all began....the weight of sadness has a way all of its own. We are told and we know he have to move forward because that is how life works. But it doesn't change a thing about how hard and awful and horrible it all is. I didn't get to truly grieve the way I would have liked to have. There wasn't anyone I could just lean into and ask to be held. I haven't any close friends and my family is no longer in my life. What I do wish I had done was to seek out more grief sources earlier in the beginning. So I am doing that now. After 2 years and 4 months the storming of sadness and tears have subsided but the sadness is there throughout the whole day. I t lingers and and I acknowledge or let it be. But I guess things are becoming "better". What I want to express here is above all the need to talk about the mourning and the effect it has on us is one of the ways we will see ourselves through this to a calmer and more peaceful place. Our experience of this while at the same time may be similar in ways it is still a very, very personal one. Be as gentle with yourself as you can treat yourself the way you would want your loved one to treat himself or herself if the situation was reversed. Talking to people who identify with you and letting out the words and feelings will prevent you from feeling alone but will also let you release holding on to too much that could keep you feeling trapped by it all. I am not in ay way a know it all on this. I have just been going through it and trying to survive and trying to move to a better way of living my life. I am doing what I can and moving at a pace that I can handle. Wishing all of us a place of peace to arrive and and have more of the life before this all this happened.
