I lost my wife of 19 years to cancer 6 months ago. Up to four months prior, I lost 3 dogs. 2 which was very old... so my loses have been grand. The dogs are our children. I feel as if this is getting harder and scarier to live life without her. I am 43 years old. I have worked in the same place for 15 years. I am seriously thinking I need a new start... a fresh start... a new job, a new place to live... everyday it is a reminder of what will never be. I know they say no harsh decisions in the first 12 months... but for the 14 months of her diagnosis I was having to make harsh decisions... life and death decisions. I watched as she took her last breath in our house. My life is like ground hog day... even before her diagnosis.. get up in the morning, get dressed, tend to the furbabies, leave for work.. get off come home... tend to the furbabies and go to bed. But I don’t have her there waiting for me... and it hurts like hell. I was her caretaker when she became so ill and so weak by this dreadful disease. I feel as if I need to break this vicious routine because that part of my life with her is gone and the sad reminder every day of what it was is overwhelming. I feel as if I really need a fresh start. I was handed this life I do not want, so I know in my heart that if I don’t start making this life the best that I can, I will be stuck in a bad place. I am all alone. My family lives out of state and her family within the first month have disappeared. And I love my family but I don’t want to live with them. So that is not an option. The job I have is great, the people are great... but I am so overwhelmed with her loss and the routine. And I am just not sure how to do this ... all of this ... living.... without her. I use to be able to see the future of how we would grow old together... now I cannot even see 10 feet in front of me.