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Lost spouse due to covid

Discussion in 'Loss to COVID-19' started by Time heals, Oct 4, 2020.

  1. Time heals

    Time heals Member

    As I sit in bed after pondering all day and crying over the loss of my husband the thought of him not coming home, calling me and ha omg that personal hubby and wifey time still baffles me! It’s been only 8 days now since my husband passed from covid. We were together 8 years, married 6. No one understands the deep wrenching pain that I experience on a daily...my days and nights are long as I’m up during the night with constant thoughts of him and what is my life going to be like now that he’s gone. I’m afraid of being alone. I have no one to just reach out and understand how I’m feeling or to talk with without them getting tired of me calling and crying and telling my same story over again. He was my life. Not sure what interest me because he was my interest. How do I pick up and start life, where do I begin???
     
  2. Salemkitty

    Salemkitty New Member

    Hi, I lost my husband to Covid-19 too. And, although it has been months, it was at the beginning of when we started to hear about it as a country here in the USA, I'm still feeling much like you've described. You said, "what's my life going to be like now that he's gone?" I often wonder about that too. Fear is often associated with the unknown. So, I'm really fearing. I don't know what my life is going to be like? I'm still in school. He's the only person who encouraged me to go to school. I'm an adult foster child, meaning that I've come from a very abusive family who didn't care about me. Actually, my mother was severely mentally ill so she was incapable of caring about me. So, my husband was the only family I've ever really had. We were together for 23 yrs. But, just so quickly, he went to the hospital and he was burning up with fever, and so weak. It was the last time I ever saw him!!! I got to talk to him once only.

    The doctors offered no hope.

    He was my life, my best friend, my world. And, it's unthinkable that I'm having to go on without him. This emptiness is what I'm faced with now.

    But, what I've been doing is talking to him out loud at home. I've been uprooted too, because I had to move because I couldn't afford to live where we lived. Fortunately, a very kind social worker knew of this place, and I live here with our six kitties.

    Sorry, for rambling. Thank you for sharing your grief.

    Hugs,
    Salemkitty
     
  3. Time heals

    Time heals Member

    Hi Salemkitty and thanks for reaching out. I’m sorry for your loss and I share how extremely difficult this process is. It’s mentally debilitating day to day not wondering how to restart life again. I get so angry about covid and the hundreds of lives it has claimed. Can I concur that the doctors too for me said there’s nothing else we can do...what is none left to do but pray. Even doctors don’t have all the answers.
    Although it’s been months for you can you share how you keep busy daily? What fried support other than this site are you involved in? Please share... we’ll get through this together
     
  4. Salemkitty

    Salemkitty New Member

    Hi Time heals! I've always been a sensitive introvert so I typically have few friends if any. My husband was my main support. And, he was awesome at it!

    But, just before tragedy struck, I met a woman who I hired to tutor me in one of my classes. I also was willing to try a class of hers called Zentangle. Drawing for people who think they cannot draw and for those who would like art therapy or who would like a way to meditate. I still participate in some of her classes.

    And, I've just signed up with Yousician for inexpensive guitar lessons. Plus, I bought a freshwater aquarium for tropical fish. So, with six kitty kids, school, eight tropical fish, roses, flowers and some drawing I can be fairly busy. Although, I still am haunted by the questions about my life? I never planned to live without my best friend.

    I'm way behind in school too which is scary. But, I have a hard time concentrating for long on my homework. They've given me extensions, but it still seems like they're not enough.

    So, to sum it up I'm struggling along day by day. The only coping mechanism that seems to help is talking to my husband in Heaven.
     
  5. Time heals

    Time heals Member

    Wow sounds like you are pretty busy.... I may look into painting as it’s therapy