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Lost partner/husband of 48 years

Discussion in 'LGBT Loss' started by Stevieb, Nov 19, 2020.

  1. Stevieb

    Stevieb New Member

    I can hardly begin to write this. The love of my life passed after 48 wonderful years together. I was just 17 he was 22. We met in a record shop. It was truly love at first site. He suffered from a rare muscle disease called polymyositis. Peter Frampton has recently been diagnosed with this disease. He also suffered from skin cancer, Lymphoma and non alcoholic cirrhosis. We had a wonderful life, struggled thru the Aids crisis and watched many of our friends die. But we made it through that. He retired in 2017 due to weakness in walking. Slowly but surely every muscle in hs body weakened. I was his care giver for 3 long years. The Incontinence was the worse. I never thought I could do it. He contracted the Listeria bacteria from contaminated food. It took a real toll on him. In and out of the hospital and rehab center over 8 times in all.
    He declined over time and I refused to see it. The last time I was not able to visit him in rehab (due to Covid) but he was returned to the hospital with pneumonia. I was able to spend limited hours with him there. I always had hope of course but I saw it coming in the last few days in the hospital. Than Pallative care came in. I knew then it would not be long. I got a call from the attending Dr. to come to the hospital. I spent his last day with him and a wonderful Pallative care person. I am so fortunate to have been able to hold his hand and kiss him goodbye.
    I loved this man with all my heart and I know he loved me the same. I miss him every single day and now miss caring for him.
    Somedays I feel no one understands. I have pretty supportive siblings , my mother now 87 never accepted us and she does not understand. Even though we lost my dad in 1983 at age 50 to heart disease. I have 2 gay partnered friends and they sort of understand and are there for me, but not in my grieving. I am alone. I never will recover but know that I must go on. Good days and bad. I wish well wishers would understand that somedays I want to be alone. I am not well off, but will be ok financially. Thank god for that.
    Sorry for being so long winded but needed to share this. Thank you all who take the time to read this.
  2. Earthangelfaith

    Earthangelfaith New Member

    Hi Stephen, I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like you had a great love, and I understand how you feel, not only are you losing a partner but your best friend. It is so hard to see a decline when all you know if the vibrant person you love. I lost my partner about 1.5 years ago to a car accident and I also don't have many lgbt friends, and my family tries but they did not support my relationship either. I understand the depth of how you feel.
  3. Bross77624

    Bross77624 New Member

    Hi Steve, your story brought on tears as I identified so much with your story. I'm curious how you are doing now. I lost my partner after 43 years to prostate cancer and Leukemia. We met when I was 21 and he was 23. We also lived through the Aids crisis, friends passing away. I stopped working and took care of him for 10 years. I knew this was coming but nothing prepared me for the amount of pain and just how much I miss my best friend.