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Lost one daughter, another is using...

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by ridgetop01, Jun 23, 2018.

  1. ridgetop01

    ridgetop01 New Member

    I lost my 39 year old daughter to a heroin overdose (laced with fentanyl) on 6/26/17. Since then, my 28 year old daughter spent 5 months in jail for failing a drug test - she is addicted to heroin - got out, stayed out for 1 month, and is now back in after failing another drug test because of heroin. I don't understand how she can even consider using after seeing her sister die, and knowing that her next dose can be her last, and I don't know what to say to her to get her to come to her senses and get into recovery. I'm glad she is back in jail - at least I know she's safe. I still am grieving the loss of my eldest, and this news has just thrown my life into turmoil (and that of my husband and middle daughter, who thankfully is not a drug user). I know all about not enabling this "child". What I want to know is, what can I say/do that will somehow bring her to her senses? I can't stand to lose another daughter.

    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Jeannette

    Jeannette New Member

    My story mirrors yours. I lost my oldest son 3 years ago tonight, 10-12-15, from heroin/fentanyl. He was 29. My younger son and only remaining child is currently in jail, about to go to yet another treatment center for heroin. I'm not even me anymore... just a fearful mess waiting for THAT call. Today was just awful. No one remembered the anniversary of my Matt's death and I needed someone to. Sorry if my thoughts sound all scrambled... they are.
     
  3. ridgetop01

    ridgetop01 New Member

    You remembered Matt - that's what is important. I am so sorry that we are both members of this club. My Sarah gets out of her first rehab stint late this month and I am praying that what she is hearing there is sinking in, that she is absorbing the tools she will need so they are there when the time comes that she needs them. I pray for her nightly about that, and I will pray for your son too. Take care of yourself - this is so hard and we need to be gentle with ourselves.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. Okiemaiden64

    Okiemaiden64 New Member

     
  5. Okiemaiden64

    Okiemaiden64 New Member

    I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
    Your story is so close to mine I wanted to respond. I lost my oldest son, 25 to heroin overdose in June 2015, and my youngest son 23 at the time his brother died, continued to use. I thought I would go insane from worry that I was going to bury my other child. I wish I could give you a magic answer as to your younger daughter, but I can't, I'm sorry.
    My son is now sober, 2 years in January but it was court appointed. His choices were get into drug court or go to prison. While I am proud of the progress he has made I worry he will go back after hes done with the program.
    As family members of addicts we have to find and live our own " one day at a time" . The constant worry, while trying to grieve was driving me mad. Now I live with " no news is good news" .
    I feel I never really got to grieve my son because as soon as the funeral was over my focus was on my other son. And my husband, who took the death very hard.
    3 1/2 years later I'm finding that I'm not moving forward. I feel stuck. I have built a tall thick emotional wall because...... love hurts.
    I wish for you peace and comfort.
    (((( hugs))))
     
  6. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    So sad for both of you. The loss of my son is very fresh and I am thankful my daughter does not do drugs. I am fearful my husband will drink, he has been sober for 3 months but that is not very long and he is struggling. Addiction is just so exhausting and painful.
     
  7. erinsmomforever20

    erinsmomforever20 New Member

    good morning.. I also lost my child to addiction. Erin was just 20 yrs old. Aug 23 will be 2 yrs without her and I'm still a mess. the loss has destroyed me that ive looked into an actual grief support group in my area. ive experienced loss/ death before. a significant, my dad , grandparents many friends but never like this. I'm forever heartbroken.
     
  8. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

     
  9. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    My oldest Boy Chris was murdered on September 15 2009. I watched the life drain out of my younger sons face when the detective gave us that news. He held the pain in untill 2016"when he found emotional relief with heroin. It was a horrible game of russian roulette. It was the only way for him to erase the pain that he lived with. He told me that if he didn't feel better by age 30 that he didn't want to live anymore. He only made it to 26 and died of an overdose on February 8 2020. That wraps up 32 years of being a parent. It just sucks. No purpose for me anymore.
     
  10. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    I lost my son on April 13, 2019 to overdose, 5 days before his 29th birthday. His drug of choice was heroine. He has been clean for about six weeks, used and overdosed, fentanyl laced heroine. There is rarely a day goes by that I don’t ask why couldn’t I save him, why couldn’t I take the addiction away, and why was he so unhappy. He was loved by so many and my mind knows it is not my fault by my heart wants another chance. I wish I had a better answer, none of us are alone, our children have left us to grieve in community with others facing the same. I have found it helps me to have others that understand this complicated grief.
     
  11. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    There are way too many of us with this story. In the old days you could be a Heroin addict for years; but now our children are being murdered by international profiteers. I told my son "you dont know what you are getting and you too will become a statistic" He never listened to me. He was someone else in his addiction...
     
  12. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    So true, my family doctor tried to talk with my son. Her exact words were, "he does not fear it".
     
  13. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    Why would you fear something that takes your pain away. For those of us that have never tried Heroin; we can only guess.
    For those that have , it's a rewiring of the brain , it becomes your obsession. It takes years to get your brain to stop reminding you of that easy way to feel happy and numb to the bad things in your life
     
  14. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

     
  15. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    I am not an expert just sharing my thoughts.
     
  16. Chrisian

    Chrisian Member

    None of us are, and I appreciate your offering of your similar circumstances. We are not alone, but we still get angry!!