Lost of my one and only son

Hi, Shirley. I was out of town last week and want to check to see how you are getting along.

 

Hope it was for fun. I still cry everyday and in so much pain everyday. Im mentally and physically drained. Ive tried to get out the house just to walk around even then his the only thing on my mind. Its just so hard to process just boy was taken away from me so soon. Im so miserable this is too much.

 

Have you tried writing your thoughts in a journal? This is an effective way to release your emotions and feel a sense of comfort. Use your journal to list emotions you are feeling and thoughts that are spinning around in your mind. You can write a letter to your son, a poem to honor him, or write a song. It doesn't have to be neat or contain correct grammar or spelling. Your journal is a healing tool, for your eyes only. It provides an opportunity to face and deal with tough situations; it gives you a place to release pent-up emotions. Carry it with you so you have it when new situations or feelings occur.

 

I did try to blog the day of the accident thinking I would feel at ease if I let it out but I just ended feeling the worst pain ever. I know if I start to write about him it would hurt even more which I dont think im ready. Just thinking about it just got me crying and my chest feels so tight. I dont understand why Im in this situation at all again and again..

 

If it doesn't help, don't do it. I understand

 

Ill hopefully get there in time. thanks for the advice

 

Yes, you will get there; however, it is a slow process of growing into it.
Hang in there.

 

Im trying my hardest but often times the pain is unbearable...

 

It is unbearable. I am proud of you for doing the best you can. I know how much you are hurting.
May tomorrow be better than today.
I care about you.

 

Its only been a little over 2 months but it already feels like a long time. Its seems to be going in slow motion. The days and nigths are longer than it seems.

 

I am sorry I have not checked in on you. I still have my grief and for three weeks my family and I have been sick.

Job 7:4

“When I lie down, I say, When shall I arise, and the night be gone? and I am full of tossings to and fro unto the dawning of the day.”

 

My son died across the road, for me no words can explain the pain of walking outside. That use to be my escape walking outside working hiking. Six months after he died it was spring I did not garden but rather planted a lot of flowers and seeds. Oh, I would get on my knees and mourn so deep and loud dig a hole plant a flower. Shed tears and sow seeds. It was such torment but helpful at the same time for me. I have expanded my garden and yes I can look up and see the last place my son walked. I have walked his last path a few times to the pond. I know my son would want me to be outside working and hiking. Today in grief and yesterday, I find myself in a different thought process of grief than two years ago. Last night I broke down because I forgot what grade he was in, what grade he would be in, and what year he would graduate. I could not do simple math for the life of me. SO I sat on the edge of my bed last night rocking back and forth repeating I can't remember, I can't remember!

 

No need for apologies and I hope you and your family is feeling better. I dont know how to process my grief, emotions, and broken heart. Some days I feel numb but most days its just really hard. Ive been trying my best to do stuff around the house or my garden but most days I dont have the energy to do anything. I just sit and watch tv. I started cross stitching.

 

Our minds cannot function as efficiently as they used to. Don't feel bad about having trouble thinking. We all know how that is. The grief crowds out all other thoughts at times. All we know is the depth of our loss. I had to think how to make a grilled cheese sandwich. What do I do next? Anyone who has not experienced the loss of their dear child has no idea what grief can do to the thinking process.
King David grew weary of the process of grief and cried out to the Lord. Then he left the timing in God's hands.
"Be merciful tome LORD, for I am faint; O LORD heal me for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. (Psalm 6:2-4)
I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim. I dissolve my couch with tears.My eye has wasted away with grief". (Psalm 6:6-7)
Praying for you in your hour of sorrow,
Chris

 

Today is one of those days where I feel like my heart is going to explode. I tried writting to him but it just made it worse. I shouldnt be writting to him like this at all. I should be talking to him, doing stuff with him, caring for him, loving him, laughing with him but Im just in misery and in so much pain. I have no purpose and my life has no more meaning without him.

 

Hugs hun I am in the grief chat if you need to talk hun. I can't write I don't even try sigh

 

I dont think I signed up yet but I will try.

 

It was good talking to you thinking of you today.

 

Thank you dear girl. I enjoyed talking with you too. I was glad to see you were well enough to get to church yesterday. Did you stay for the picnic? I didn't go or return for the evening service. I was so tired. I couldn't sleep until 2am the night before and then got up at 7. I need a lot of sleep to refresh my body.
When you get all better, let's get together again. (My immune system is weak also and I try to avoid any chance of sickness when I can.) It was one of the most relaxing enjoyable days I have had in a long time!! Hope your day goes well.

 

He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3 NIV