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Lost my wife and my ex girlfriend

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by nvcity, May 21, 2020.

  1. nvcity

    nvcity Member

    I lost my wife in December of 2018 then my ex in February of 2019. I am still suffering the loss of both as they comprised 55 percent of my life in years and memories. I literally am having a terribly difficult time processing all of it. Both died from cancer. I still cannot comprehend it.
     
  2. Richard@123

    Richard@123 Member

    omg i know the pain . lost my ex two years ago and my present wife 6 months later. Than my dad about 6 months after that. First was stroke second was from copd and dad was 90 just his time i guess. Both wives were 60 it horible . mind is all screwed up. Aches pains and im dealing with neuro lyme so i know where your coming from. Yes understand how your not comprehending it i feel same way. I am sorry for your losses
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Richard,
    I’m so sorry for your losses, of course your confused and can’t think clear. One loss does that you've been through 3 in a close time frame. It’s so difficult to wrap your mind around, hard to do anything. I lost my wonderful husband of 41 years to a massive heart attack 2 years ago, he was taken from our beautiful life in 2 hours. Nothing feels normal or right any more. That’s because a piece of us is missing. I’m so sorry you’re suffering from neuro Lyme on top of everything else. I have RA and osteoarthritis, Ron took such good care of me, now it’s just me fighting against the world. I do know that stress affects all my joints, I’m sure it’s making all your aches and pains worse too. Try to eat right and drink water, I know sleep is hard but try to get rest, it’s an important part of the healing process. And fresh air, that’s what helps me the most. Try to make yourself get outside and try to walk and get your blood flowing. I know you’re in pain but it does help. I walk with a cane because of arthritis but staying moving has been very helpful. When I stay put inside everything feels worse, I’m dreading the winter because I’ll be stuck inside but I still keep moving and still try to get outside and breathe fresh air. I also use breathing exercises.
    I hope you have family and friends offering support, I know most don’t understand the pain we feel but hopefully you do have people who are supportive for you. Someone to have a cup of coffee with is a great help. Visit this site often, read and share stories, it’s very helpful, you’re not alone.
     
    JMD likes this.
  4. Richard@123

    Richard@123 Member

    Thank you so much, Yes i have lots of family and friends but now that i am finnally facing it i think i want to just be alone for the holidays this year, i will stop by and say the nicities i guess on that day but the get together and big dinners . Not this year . I do get out as much as possible and yes it helps. Staying in is just worse for sure. I am going mattress shopping . I moved to be nearer to my kids and when i rented this apartment i bought a really cheap mattress. That could be some of the trouble. Time to treat myself for a change to something nice. Christmas will be rough. I am sure you know what i mean. I used to decorate inside and outside because she loved it son much. Outside would be lit up so you could land planes if you had to. And inside wow it was a winter wonderland with some much animation. The grandkids loved it as did she, Sigh nevermore I will vist this site it seems very friendly and people who understand. Thank you and i send you hugs for your loss . I am off to mother earth food shopping ill be back again today
     
    JMD likes this.
  5. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you, for the hugs. Miss the wonderful hugs Ron gave.
    That’s great that you have a large family and friends offering support, I lost most my support pretty early on in this process. Ron and I hosted every holiday for years and years, I told my family I wanted to continue hosting. My gathering was small but we loved having people here. Well they said they’d come but changed their minds and decided I should go to their house. I didn’t go, I needed to host, to be where we would normally be. Feel Ron’s presence. We decorated for every holiday too. Now I put out a few things and call it a day. Last year I chose to put out the deer you can make out of wood. Ron made them for me years ago, I felt they would honor him and not be over the top while grieving. They did make me smile, as I came and went.
    I love how you put it, treat yourself for a change. I have trouble spending on anything since Ron is gone. I mean a mattress is a necessity, but it feels like a treat because the one you have is hurting you. It’s nice you moved to be closer to your children, that will help you through any rough times. My daughter lives 15 minutes from me my son is in Florida and with this pandemic it’s hard to visit. I have 2 brothers who live close. So I do have people who care that are close by. The support is there but not like I need. My daughter is my biggest support, she’s with me often. Going with me tomorrow to close our business bank account. Im pretty anxious doing that. Feels so upsetting. Ron and I are supposed to close it together because we’re starting retirement. Makes me ache.
    I understand your desire to be alone, but be sure you’ll be ok with that. It gets extra lonely during the holidays. My daughter and I planned to be with my son for thanksgiving but as you know Cuomo has so many restrictions it’s hard to travel. Staying home, the 2 of us.
    Good luck mattress shopping!
     
    JMD likes this.
  6. Richard@123

    Richard@123 Member

    no i understand what you mean by the support is there but not like you mean. I did keep three of her favorite bears that i have over my bed . I play them from time to time but it hurts.I use to remember how she would clap her hands and smile and do her stupid little dance when each one would play. Yeah i just want to be alone this year for awhile the kids are nearby and understand. Not much of a turkey eater anyway lol. I did get the matress by the way. I tried out beds for about an hour. It will be here next friday. Can not believe how much it cost but what the hey its the first splurge i have done for myself since i sold my house. And considering we all spend at least a third of our lives in it i figure it should be worth the money. I didnt want to get off of it actually lol. Yeah that bank account thing is very anxiety provking im sure. I am trying to set up a trust fund so the goverment does not get all my money not that theres that much of it. Its hard to adjust to things like that now when it was never a problem dealing with every day situations before. Well keep in touch and if i dont hear from you again enjoy your thanksgiving with your daughter.
     
    JMD likes this.
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you found the right mattress, good job! I know if it was me needing a mattress I’d feel like that purchase was a milestone. But you’re right, every single thing turns into a huge chore. My electric went off today and when it came back on my internet didn’t come back. The router stopped working, I had to get another one, and my daughter set it up. But things like that were always taken care of by Ron.
    Taking his name off accounts makes me so anxious. This account I’m closing I remember opening it and as 2 young people feeling so excited having our business account. Now I’m closing it alone.
    I do understand the desire to be alone, time to reflect remember and reminisce. I went out and bought things for our Thanksgiving dinner, making sure I have all of Ron’s favorite dishes. That’s one of the ways I honor him, prepare his favorite foods. I always enjoyed cooking and Ron loved everything I made. I rarely cook now. It’s just me.
    It’s late going to try to get some rest. I bet you can’t wait for next Friday and your new mattress.
     
  8. Richard@123

    Richard@123 Member

    Well the hits keep coming. Just found out my oldest daughter and her daughter my oldest grandchild have tested ppositive for covid. She is a teacher. Jeez she told me she feels ok but 14 days of stress again
     
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry! One thing after another. I hope your daughter and granddaughter are ok. This covid just never ends. Praying for their quick recovery.
    I got the account closed, Ron would be proud of me. Being able to push through.
     
  10. Richard@123

    Richard@123 Member

    TY and hugs and i am proud of you also. Great job
     
  11. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I need to hear that. Our business is still a success story. I’m still living off of our successful business. I need to keep telling myself that.
    Keep me posted on your family. ❤️