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Lost my partner\ companion of 20 years

Discussion in 'LGBT Loss' started by Iris, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. Iris

    Iris New Member

    Hi. I'm iris. I am 60 yrs young and I had a sudden loss on May 30, 2019. She used to be my intimate partner but that ended around 9 years ago. Since then we have been living together as friends but we shared a home, pets, a car. We did not state other people. She had many medical problems but what she died of was not related to these issues. She died of sudden cardiac arrest and I was the one who found her when I got home from work. S g e had been expired for at least 3 hours. I need to chat and share my grieving experience. It's hard
     
  2. Aniela

    Aniela New Member

    Iris, I just found this site and your story was the first I read. It's similar to mine. My best friend died suddenly almost 2 years ago. We had dated for 6 years, which ended, but we remained best friends. Living together and even raising my daughters together. She had medical issues too. Issues that I always though she would fight off and we would "fight the good fight together" as she used to say. We both suffered from depression and would uplift each other when the other had their moments of wanting to give up. She would always say that we were going to tough it out as a team. She was my right hand.
    I want you to know I know how hard it is. But you are not alone ❤️
     
    LindaH likes this.
  3. Danica2222

    Danica2222 New Member

     
  4. Danica2222

    Danica2222 New Member

    Hi i lost my partner of 30yrs in aug 2019...its been so hard being alone...how are you dealing with it
     
  5. MayT

    MayT Active Member

    My partner died on January 7, 2020.We were together for 38 years. It still has not sunk in for me. I still expect to see her seated at our dining table when I get home from work. Then I remember she is no longer there....
     
    Annty and BuffaloAnge like this.
  6. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

     
  7. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

    MavT I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel the same way you do. No matter what others say about how things will get better, I can't believe it because I know I will always feel this way for the rest of my life. I'm told to concentrate on the happy times we had together and that he is still with me even tho I can't see him. I try to believe this and sometimes talk to him like he is there sitting with me but it's not the same and never will be. I am hurting so badly and wish I could stop hurting so badly even tho I know I will never stop grieving. We were together for 53 years and did everything together. Now I am alone with no friends close and no relatives. I feel lost and scared. I don't know how I will ever come close to coping with this grief. I miss him so much. I cry alot because I miss his presence next to me.
    I'm hoping to find some others tell how they cope.
     
  8. MayT

    MayT Active Member

    Hello BuffaloAnge. I am sorry for your loss too. I know how it must hurt.
    I lost my life partner. I used to take for granted that we would do almost everything together. We had so many plans for the future. She retired in October and I would retire soon. We were looking forward to traveling and now that will not happen anymore. I grieve the loss of what could be on top of missing her terribly. I used to look forward to waking up each day. These days I cannot even sleep more than a few hours. I wake up fearful and anxious of what the day will bring. Being stuck at home in quarantine makes it worse but I have to learn to cope.
    The first few weeks, I hurt so bad I drunk myself to sleep each night. Eventually I realized it only made me more depressed. I slowed down but there are just days worse than others. This week I got out my old guitar. It helps to concentrate on something and lifts my mood for a few hours.
    Being here and part of this group also helps. I often read stories here. I can express myself to people who can understand my struggles. It makes me realize I am not alone in this journey. Maybe it can help you too.
     
  9. BuffaloAnge

    BuffaloAnge Member

    Thank you MavT for sharing with me. I am sorry for your loss. I know that we all grieve in our own way. No two people grieve the same way. I am told by some that it will get better as time passes, but I don't believe it. I know my grief is my own grief and only I know how much I hurt and will never stop hurting. There is no way that anybody will ever understand my pain or the love we had. Maybe everyone feels the same way and maybe not. All i know is that I wake up crying and go to bed at night crying too and most of the day in between. I don't know how I can cope anymore. But again thank you or your thoughts. May we all find the peace we crave. Bless you all. Ange
     
  10. Annty

    Annty Member

     
  11. Annty

    Annty Member

    Hi I to lost my partner of 32 years on July 31,2020 . I'm still trying to get used to her not being here but before her death we talked about her decision not to go ahead with any more treatments. As hard as it was to lose her i couldn't ask her to stay. She had gone through so much and I loved her so i couldn't be selfish and ask her to stay for me. I think knowing she's at peace and out of pain has helped me tremendously in accepting her loss. I'm not saying its easy but its helped me knowing its what she wanted